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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
MadPoet Offline
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Name: Amanda.
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How to cope with a depressed family member? - July 26th 2009, 03:03 AM

My mom's been acting super depressed lately, and I'm just finding it hard to deal with.
She's been saying things about killing herself, and it just really hurts. I know it's probably something I did, something I said. I've tried to let her know that I care about her and that she is a good mom, even though she feels like she isn't. She's having a hard time financially, which probably plays a big part in all of this.

I just feel like it's my fault. Like I should be able to do something to make her feel better. I mean, I know she doesn't think I appreciate what she does for me, but I really do. I just wish I could convince her of that.

My mom really isn't the kind of person that keeps all her problems to herself. She talks about her problems with money and such to my sister and I a lot, and it really worries me. Sometimes I wish she wouldn't tell me these things, because I just don't know how to cope with it when she does. I mean, what do I say, what do I do?

I decided to go to public school this year instead of private, partly because my mom doesn't have a lot of money. It's not that I wish she would stop complaining, I know it's hard for her. I just wish I knew how to cope with the things she tells us, and I wish that I knew how to help HER cope.

I feel so useless in the whole situation. I wish I could make my mom feel better, but I can't. I know it sounds stupid, but I care a lot about her and it just really scares and hurts me to see her like this, and it really drags me down emotionally too. I just really don't know what to do about it.

I'm sorry that I've been asking for help so much lately, it makes me feel extremely stupid. But, I don't know, I just really don't know what to do in this situation, or how to help my mom. It's causing me to feel extremely depressed as well. I just really need some advice...





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: How to cope with a depressed family member? - July 27th 2009, 12:24 AM

Hi Amanda,

I consider asking for help one of the smartest things a person can do. You don't ever need to feel stupid or bad for asking for help. Getting it out and talking about a problem can really help, and it is always good to hear another opinion on something. So feel free to post any time

How your mom feels right now and what she is telling you is not your fault and is not because of anything you did. I know it can be difficult to have someone so close to you feel so down, but your mom's feelings and situation are not things you can control. You are not to blame at all, so don't think about it that way. You are a strong and very caring person, and you did not do anything wrong.

The best you can do to remind your mom that she is a good person and is really important to you is to talk to her and tell her. I know you have tried already, but just keep it up. Try saying things like "I really appreciate it when you do *this*, mom" or "Thanks for doing *this*, it really means a lot to me". Another idea would be to write these things down and give it to her in a letter to keep with her.

Actions can speak louder than words too, so maybe you could try helping your mom around the house to show her that you really appreciate what she does for you.

Other than that, it is not your job to fix your mom's problems or to be her therapy for her. Do your best to listen and be supportive, but don't blame what she says on yourself or take it on as your responsibility to make her happy.

If you are concerned about her safety and worry that she may go through with her talk about suicide, then give her a suicide hotline to phone and tell her that if she ever feels like doing that to call the hotline or to phone an ambulance.

It does hurt to see your mom so upset, and it is scary when she becomes so dependent on you instead of being able to take care of herself. Do your best to stay strong and to support your mom. She does care about you, and I'm sure she does appreciate what you are doing for her.

Take care and stay strong. Don't ever feel bad about coming here for help as well.
Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk.

Nat.


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losing touch. Offline
oh, really?..
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Re: How to cope with a depressed family member? - July 27th 2009, 12:32 AM

i have the same problem with my mum.. nothing i do or say makes any difference. sorry i'm not being helpful here.. but just know that you're not the only one!


..and our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears..



   
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Re: How to cope with a depressed family member? - July 28th 2009, 02:18 PM

hey hun, you're a really caring daughter you know that? (: i know it's hard, and my mum has depression too but she keeps mostly to herself. you know, it's gonna seem easy to blame yourself, and blame everyone and every circumstance for causing this pain to her and to you, but i just wanna encourage you to seek the solution for it. it's going to hard for you, so do make sure you take care of yourself! talk to a counsellor maybe to find out what's the next thing to do for your mum. it's great that she's voicing her problems and feelings, but i really pray that it'll not get you down. it's probably better for her too.
remember that depression is curable and that it can take what seems like forever to get better, but it can, and it will!
does your mum have siblings who are closer to her and who can talk to her? is there any friend that she really trusts to talk to? but honestly, i think professional help would be better...
continue to tell her how much you love her, affirm her with your words and actions.. she may not respond a lot to that but i know that it helps and it really helps her selfesteem.
take care! and keep us updated. (:



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the voice of truth says "do not be afraid"
   
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