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Name: Megan
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Unhappy I feel like such a bad person...(It's really long...sorry) - July 26th 2009, 05:20 AM

Okay, I sound like a bad person, and I feel like one, for saying this but I'm affraid to say this to anybody I don't know....Well, my dad was in "federal prison"(my family REFUSES to call it jail, some pride thing...) from like litterally a week after I was born, until I don't even know when, I guess he came home around the time I was 3 or 4. But, I still remember living just me, my sister, and my mom, with my grandparents(my dad's parents) living downstairs, since we lived in a Philly duplex. And I remembered loving it, and we'd visit my dad most weekends, and we'd make really long car rides, and drive all the way out to see him. It was so fun to me. Then, when my dad came back home, he was a terrible acoholic. He was SO mean when he was drunk, which was every day after work. He usually wans't home until late, and he'd always be fighting with somebody. Numerous times, me and my mom would have to drive to a bar, and pick him up, or else he'd be arrested for a bar fight or something like that. Then, we moved to the suburbs when I was like 7. I remember, one night(I STILL reffer to it as "that night") he came in my room that me and my sister shared, and he brought my sister and mom in. My sister went out and got drunk, she was about 16 or 17. He grabbed her, and THREW her in the corner of the room. Then, my mom pointed me out trying to get him to stop, but instead of stopping, he grabbed me, dragged me across the room, into his room, and threw me on his bed, telling me I'd "better not get up, unless you want what she's getting." or somthing like that...and then I heard my dad hit my sister, and her screaming and crying, and my mom saying, "PLEASE STOP THIS, PLEASE!" And then, my sister's boyfriend pulled up, and she jumped out of the second floor window, and she left with him. Then, my dad went downstairs to try to chase the car(which failed), and my mom took me into my room, and cuddled with me in bed. I was crying hysterically, and she just stroked my hair until I fell asleep. Then, about a year later, my parents got seperated, my dad left, and I was releived. Then, once both my paretns sobered up(my mom was an acoholic, just not as mean as he was...usually), they got back together. Then when I was like 10 or 11, my mom filed for a divorce and me and her moved to my aunt's, my sister stayed with my dad at first, but then ended up moving into my uncles, but she "missed him too much" and ran strait back into his arms. Now, I just don't want him to be in our lives!!!! I'm 13, and I just liked life better when he wasn't in the picture! It seemed simpler! I miss it, and now I resent him. I feel terrible for resenting him, I mean there were more bad times then good, but he's been trying to make up for it, but I CAN'T let him it, and I just DON'T even want to! I feel like such a terrrible person for thinking this way, but I do!!!!!!!!
   
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Re: I feel like such a bad person...(It's really long...sorry) - July 26th 2009, 01:46 PM

Heya Megan.

I'm really sorry about all the things you went through with your dad and your past and it's only natural to feel this way. It does NOT make you a bad person, it makes you human. While you were growing up and when your dad was around, there were bad and upsetting things going on and they are not easy to just forget and when he wasnt there, you remember being happier, so its perfectly normal not to want him around anymore.
Try talk to your mom? ask her why she feels the need to go back to him and tell her how you feel.

I really hope things work out for you Megan and keep us posted here.
If you want to talk more, PM me anytime , day or night.

Mags
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