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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy I love my cousin to death but... - August 3rd 2009, 06:50 AM

I absolutely adore my older cousin, we're sooooo close, and know virtually everything about eachother. Even though we're 4 years apart, we're EXTREMELY close, and talk about EVERY day, and even though we live about an hour away, we still get to hang out pretty often. There's just one thing that's driving me crazy. Lately, she's been REALLY superficial!!!!!! It pisses me off SOOOO bad, because I'm bigger, and REALLY self concious, and think I'm the ugliest person ever, and I HATE my teeth, and skin. But, we'll like be on facebook looking at kids in my school or her school and she'll be like, "THEY'RE FRIGGIN UGLY!!!! LIKE THEIR SKIN'S DISGUSTING!" Or like, "They're pretty, but their teeth get on my last nerve!!" or like, "Yeah, they're a loser with no friends!!!! And they're freaking hugeeeeeeeeee!" and it just makes me REALLY self concious, and upset. I tried to talk to her, but she got really defensive!!!!!!!!! And now I don't know what to do!!!!!
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Re: I love my cousin to death but... - August 3rd 2009, 06:00 PM

Hi Megan,

It sounds like what your cousin has been saying lately has been really hurtful! I think it's great that you are close, but she really needs to hear that the things she has been saying are hurting your feelings. It isn't very nice of her to make comments like that, and she should know that it isn't very appropriate.

I know you've tried talking to her already, but keep telling her when she starts to say mean things like that. Just say that you think what she is saying is really mean and rude and people get really offended by it. The fact that she is getting defensive may show that she knows that she is being mean already, so just make sure the message sinks in.

Your cousin still cares about you, no matter what she is saying about other people, so still try to enjoy your time with her. But also be honest, because she needs to know how you feel about it.

Take care.

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Re: I love my cousin to death but... - August 3rd 2009, 10:42 PM

wow. your cousin doesn't seem to understand that these things are hurting you.
i'm not sure what exactly to say, but i would space your friendship out more so that you don't get any more hurt. you can still talk to her sometimes, but make sure there's distance.
it's quite rude what she's doing.

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Re: I love my cousin to death but... - August 3rd 2009, 11:53 PM

Hey Megan,

That's a frustrating situation to be in, especially since you're so close to your cousin! Maybe what you can do is start pointing out to her when she's being mean. You don't have to say it in an aggressive or angry way, just as a matter of fact. Some examples of what you can say are: "That's a really rude/mean thing to say." or "I love you, but it bothers me when you act shallow."

I hope things turn around for you soon! It's not fun (or psychologically healthy) to be around people who are overly superficial.

Send me a private message if you want to talk.
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