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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Name: Josh
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Location: Hollywood USA

Posts: 777
Blog Entries: 23
Join Date: January 5th 2009

Arrow Rejected by parents, how has it impacted your life? - August 11th 2009, 03:13 AM

I thought I'd start up this thread to deal with how being rejected by your parent/s has impacted your life. I'm not talking about imagined rejection due to fights and arguments. I'm talking about true rejection, such as in the following forms - sorry if I left any particular form out:

1. Run-away parent.
2. Becoming an orphan.
3. Parents who just are NEVER there. You come home, they're not there - you go to work, they're not there. It's truly like living without parents.
4. Abusive parents.
I'm an orphan, yeah - I was adopted, but I was rejected first; I just got caregivers who I call Mom and Dad, my parents are still gone. My father ran away when I was born forcing my mother to give me away for adoption. He left me for dead in the city with the highest crime/murder rate in the world.

How it has impacted me:

1. I feel worthless, like somebody forever cast aside. Alien.
2. I envy those who never have to go through that bad of a rejection.
3. I squirm anytime anyone touches me, even my adoptive parents.
4. I have difficulty believing in love, even unconditional love.
5. I live with the fear that everyone in life will leave and reject me.
6. I believe there's something inherently bad in me.
7. I blame myself for my biological family falling apart.
8. It always haunts me and holds me back. Feel dead, just a shell.
9. I feel like I have to try to be perfect in order to be kept.
10. I feel like everyone else is above me, they were kept.
11. I never feel like I'm good enough, always ashamed.
12. When someone doesn't call back or doesn't pick up, I fear that they've found what is wrong with me and left too.
13. Anyone I'm around has a chance to hurt me, it's safer alone.
14. Fear of introducing myself to someone, because it's another possible chance for rejection.
15. I tend to sabotage myself, leaving before I can be left.
16. Difficulty trusting anyone and letting them truly in, even my adoptive parents.

That's about all I can think of for now. But, I fucking hate it. For just once in my life I want to know what it feels like to be normal. To be human instead of some cosmic castaway. Stabbing Westward sums it up best for me:

You make it hard to breathe
It's as if I'm suffocating
And when you're next to me
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin
It makes me sad to think
This could all be for nothing
I wish there was a way
A way for you to see inside me
I've never felt this way
About anyone or anything … tell me

What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What do I have to do to make you want me?
But, if I can't make you want me
What do I have to do?

I know exactly what you're thinking
But I swear this time I will not let you down
I'm not as selfish as I used to be
That was a part of me that never made me proud
Right now I think I would try anything
Anything at all to keep you satisfied
God I hope you see what losing you would do to me
All I want is one more chance… tell me

What do I have to do to make you happy?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What do I have to do to make you want me?
But, if I can't make you want me
Just tell me, tell me.

Can I, how can I, how can we?

What do I have to do to make you want me?
What do I have to do to make you understand?
What do I have to do to make you love me?
But, if I can't make you love me
Just tell me what do I have to do?

To forget about you...

Last edited by ThePunkAlien; August 11th 2009 at 03:20 AM.
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impacted, parents, rejected

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