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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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mikaela17 Offline
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Name: mikaela aubrey
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why do these things have to happen? - August 12th 2009, 06:03 PM

so yesterday when my dad was taking me to soccer practice, he turned to me and told me that my aunt and uncle are getting a divorce.

i didnt really know how to react at first... so i went through soccer paractice and i was fine. but when i got home, my dad told my aunt that he told me. so my aunt started texting me, and i couldnt handel it. she told me she was scared and heart broken and i just started crying. im really close with them and i just cant think of them splitting appart. i cant imagin how this is on my cousin. shes an only child. 15 years old.

i know that my uncle had kinda isolated himself from them mentally for a while now, but i dunno... this is hard to coop with right now. just thinking that the situation was so bad that they have to do this. divorce isnt something that we really do in our family. were christians so its not exactly something we belive in. i know this was really hard for her to come to this decision. and we havent told my little brothers yet. they'd be heart broken too.

i just need help on finding ways to coop with divorce i guess? i dunno i need help with something. please.
   
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Re: why do these things have to happen? - August 12th 2009, 06:23 PM

Hey Mikaela,

This isn't the end of anything happy in your family, you need to remember that. You can still see your aunt and uncle, and there is no reason any of this needs to be uncivalized. I know how hard a divource can be, my parents have been for a few years now. I thought everything was going to be different. I constantly went over all the things that wouldn't ever be the same. It's true, things might not be how they used to be but that doesn't mean they need to go down hill. Once you get used to the idea, it really doesn't need to be so different. Eventually, some people change and it's something that's sad but it would be unwise for them to stay together and be unhappy. If this is the best decision, than I'm sure things can get better from here - it really does take time.

As for coping, remember that you're still a kid yourself. If you can't handle people coming to you about this, then let them know that. Tell them that you're having trouble with this and need a chance to deal with this for yourself too. It's okay to admit that you're hurt and it's certainly okay to show it. By all means, you can cry and vent to your family. That's what they're there for. As for your cousin, I suggest you and her spend some quality time together. You don't need to constantly talk about this, but it's possible for you two to stick together and help eachother through this rough patch. One thing you can do that will be the best is talk this out. When you're ready, maybe get your own answers to understand this more for yourself. Try to get out and get your mind off of this if it's too much at once and always remember to take care of yourself. Take care of your emotions and well being before you try to be a crutch for anyone. You're hurting too and deserve the same amount of time to heal as anyone else.

Speaking from my experiences, this is a time when people do need to stick together. It's a time when you not only need to realize the good times you've had, but the good times that can still come. Remember that this isn't the end and everything can go back to a point where you're happy with situations in time. It's just uncharted territory for you right now, and that's scary but not impossible to deal with and get through. Remember that you're not alone and if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm a PM away. Take care of yourself.

Have hope,
-Melissa


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Baby stand tall. You can have it all.

Don't you worry your pretty little mind, people throw rocks at things that shine..
   
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Re: why do these things have to happen? - August 12th 2009, 06:25 PM

mikaela;
before i give my advice; i just want to say i love you (:
soooo much girl.

alright, so i really think you need to talk to your aunt and uncle about it. you need to talk to both of them, or get them to talk about their problems. they are probably still going to get a divorce, but talking to them would give you a better understanding of what they are going through.

it's hard having two people close to you get a divorce, especially family members. it probably will be really hard for your cousin, so i think it would really help her if you and kjerstin were there for her. to kind of get her through it. she will be upset, so have a "girl's night" with her. don't let her think about it, and just have fun. it will definitely help her. and knowing that you two are there for her, it will mean a lot to her.

you know if you ever need to talk to me about anything, you can alwaysss text me or message me on here. i am always here for you girl. always. and don't you forget it.

tell mark i said i love him(: and that i do!


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and when life gets too hard to face on your own.
I will stand as a light through the darkness unknown,
I will walk with you, so you're never alone.
   
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