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Unhappy URGENT I NEED HELP! brother has no respect for me - August 14th 2009, 07:56 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

my brother is 20 and he has no respect for me what so ever, he nevr washes out the shower gets soap all over my stuff put bugs in my expensive soap, he refuses to flush the toliet, he is so rude, once he confronted me bc his friend told him i thought nick(my brother) had taken one of my old oxycotin pills to get high
and i told nick i was only concerned and that i loved him and that he had been acting really f**cking weird one night, nick blew up and strated interrogating me saying "maybe you did it" "you need to flush the toliet"
he just doesnt respect me at all i mean ever since i had that fight with his now ex girlfriend(she caled me a selfish bitch) he sided with her and i had cut, one day nick and i had a fight after a few weeks of this whole fight thing i showed nick my wrists and he said i did it for attention, i am so sick of him treating me like crap
he even said to me "at least i graduated high schoola nd at least i am going to college, at least i am smart enough and actually do my work"
i hate how he treats me. PLEASE HELP ME
i dont know how much longer i can take his abuse
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Re: URGENT I NEED HELP! brother has no respect for me - August 14th 2009, 08:14 PM

Hey,
have you spoken to your parents about this abuse, because it is most deffinatly abuse. maybe if you explain everything that is going on, they can ask him to stop doing things like this and stop being this way. have you spoken to him? had a completly honest conversation with him about how he makes you feel and that you would really appreciate if he changed his ways because he is depressing you.
but i dont think cutting is the answer, that is letting him beat you, and i can tell how much you want to beat him. is there anyone you can be totally honest with and express your concerns too? that way they can try and get him to stop being this way. also, when he says those sorts of things to you, it seems as if he is trying to get a reaction, now i know this is extremly hard, but it may work out well if you simply ignore him when hes like that and pretend he didnt say anything. if you bully someone it is usually due to you having your own problems and taking them out on someone else.
but he shouldnt be taking your old tablets and deffinatly should respect you more than he does currently and do simple things like flush the toilet.
i think maybe talking to your parents, someone else or even him if you feel you can, would be a good idea. it is better to get these sorts of things off your chest and out in the open.
i hope i halped, feel free to PM me anytime if i can help or if you ever want someone to listen to you.
good luck, i know you can beat him.
Hannah X


"He who does not weep, does not see" - Les Miserables.

keep reaching and living your lives. you are who you are.

PM me whenever and ill do my best to help!

Im here if you ever need anyone to talk to or to have someone to listen to you
   
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Re: URGENT I NEED HELP! brother has no respect for me - August 16th 2009, 09:02 AM

You mentioned he's been showing you no respect ever since you had a fight with his girlfriend (who is now his ex). Chances are he doesn't respect you for that because in his eyes, you were a factor in the relationship falling apart. So he's probably angry at you for it. He probably is also walking all over you because you don't show resistance to it or if you do show resistance, it's not enough. I'll also bet that he's a person who you would have to earn respect from.

So try to show resistance, stand up for yourself. It probably will lead to a verbal argument, however, as much as you may dislike arguing with him, consider this: your engagement in an argument with him challenges his authority over you. When you back out or lose, it shows he has won and confirms his already established authority over you. If you win, then he may get more aggressive to re-establish it. Don't back down no matter how much you want, stand up. Don't run for your parents to do the work for you as he'll only end up respecting them not you. So keep confronting him, don't back down, get aggressive towards him and constantly show him you're in charge.

You can also try to talk to him about the fight you had with his now ex-girlfriend. Try to tell him that him blaming you is senseless, it's over, you are sorry for it but he has to man up, etc... . But don't deny the fight, don't deny it happened. Acknowledge it happened. You may even need to side with him (as much as you may disagree with that side). Prove him right so the conflict of the fight can have a resolution in sight. However, be aggressive if he's still aggressive about it. If he ends up showing sadness over the relationship, then be remorseful and try to console him.

I know you may not like getting aggressive with him but chances are it's the way that will work. It's not a way that will be easy, it will be hard but people respect you if they feel you have some authority over them or are of equal authority.

An alternate way, which is also going to be very hard for you is to ignore it. Ignore what he does to you, don't get emotional over it, don't give into whatever reaction your gut may want you to do. It's a different strategy and you won't end up having respect via authority, however, you may have respect via boredom. Seeing as how he's doing childish things to get a rise out of you, you're going to have to bare even more abuse, a lot more of it without expressing much of it to him. Telling your parents of it will not help as it still shows he's getting a rise from you.

So either you confront him aggressively and don't back down when he gets aggressive or you lay low and let him establish even more dominance and authority. Both ways are going to be ugly and hard for you though.
   
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Re: URGENT I NEED HELP! brother has no respect for me - August 17th 2009, 09:38 PM

yes my parents know and usually i get in trouble for standing up for myself and fighting back(not rudly)
like over friday while we were at a hotel he and my parents shared a room and i shared one with his gf mandy, nick prank called us THREE times, and i wasted my energy on saturday taking the phone all the way down to the lobby
then i had to go all the way back up to the third floor, out of breath and exhausted(i dont have much energy due to major health issues) and i went to my parents room mandy was with me, i knocked told my parents what i did and all nick did was laugh at me smiling, i went to their room before i took it down, nick couldve said something, my mom didnt say ANYTHING to him it may have been his birthday but he needs to respect the fact that making me go all the way down and come all the way back up is extremly hard on my body,my mom pretty much yelled at me every time i would sternly but poiletly tell him to leave,stop or leave me alone,
i've tried everything
i mean i appreciate everyones suggestions but my mom thinks i complain about him too much i do ask alot for her to ask nick to turn down the bass when he's listening to music considering the fact that when he has it up loud it causes me excrutiating pain, and my brother KNOWS that HE knows how HARD it is on my hearing and im tired of it, im tired of being treated so poorly by him
i've threatend to leave hom quite few times because it was so bad, once my mom stormed up to my room bc the lady who took my brothers senior pictures was going to be there, she told me not to make a sound or i'd be grounded and in serious trouble, she obviously didnt want the lady to know another child existed, i'm so tired of him not etting the punishment he deserves, he needs to respect me, imn losing my respect for him, im expected by not only my parents but by everyone to fix this
im not going to its time nick steps up he's 20 fucking years old
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