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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Popo Offline
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Conflict between morals and a promise - August 17th 2009, 01:50 AM

Here's the story so far:

My best friend was suicidal back in November, and I told a girl he liked about it, and her and I helped him through it. Less than a month later, they start dating, because of me (not over exaggerating, they have both admitted it) And I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't interfere with their relationship, no matter what happened. To make a long part of this story short, I got suicidal for the 2nd/3rd time mostly because of them. I'm great friends with both of them, but I still haven't told either of them to this day. Now, recently my best friend has been pissing me off, and I'm quite surprised I don't hate him. A short list includes:

1: Called my closest friend a liar and a bitch, and (on a separate occasion) made her cry.

2: Makes me feel like he's only my friend because I've got a laptop and an xbox.

I don't feel like thinking about any more right now, forgive me.

And a while ago, he met a girl from out of town, and she fell for him. Now he's starting to flirt with her, and it's hurting his girlfriend. I don't know if he means to do this or not, but either way, I hate seeing my friends get hurt.
I've got a conversation between them, and I'm tempted to send his girlfriend it. Nobody knows I've got it, and if I let her read it, I'm afraid all hell's going to break loose in my life. But I feel like it's the right thing to do, even though I made that promise to myself a long time ago.

Short Excerpt from the conversation:

Him (1:43:39 AM): 1 sec
-Her (1:43:43 AM): kk
Him (1:45:56 AM): Back
-Her (1:46:18 AM): yay
-Her (1:46:24 AM): my lover has returned
Him (1:47:32 AM): Of course, you give amazing blowjo....
Him (1:47:33 AM): i mean
Him (1:47:34 AM): what?
Him (1:47:36 AM): >.>
-Her (1:47:47 AM): except for when I have a sore throat
-Her (1:48:21 AM): lol
Him (1:48:28 AM): Lol true
-Her (1:49:43 AM): so basically what you're saying is, you only want me for my body and my mouth? >.>
Him (1:49:58 AM): Ummmm
Him (1:49:59 AM): no?
Him (1:50:01 AM): =D
Him (1:50:02 AM): lol
Him (1:50:04 AM): jk jk
Him (1:50:08 AM): I love you for you
Him (1:50:14 AM): your body's just a plus
Him (1:50:16 AM): lol
-Her (1:50:18 AM): lol
-Her (1:50:22 AM): nice save
-Her (1:50:25 AM): and love you too
Him (1:50:38 AM): Thanks
Him (1:50:39 AM): and woot

I realize he's only joking around with some of this, but really, that's not something anyone should joke about.
I've got no idea what I should do.

Last edited by Popo; August 19th 2009 at 12:30 AM.
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Moyshi Offline
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Re: Conflict between morals and a promise - August 17th 2009, 04:44 AM

Hey Colton,
I think this is one of those situations where it's really up to you and your personal choice on whether or not to tell her what you know. There are so many factors to think about, and one way or another someone will probably get hurt.

Now, if you were to tell your friend that he is cheating on her, how do you think she would take it? Would she take your word for it? How would she feel if you were the one to tell her?

As for your other friend, how would he take it? There is a good chance you might lose him as a friend once he figured out you were the one who told.

It's a very messy situation for everyone involved, as feelings will get hurt. I know it's tough to see your close friends hurting, but really think through this before you do or don't do anything. Another option you have is to keep silent, and let them work out the problems in their relationship. Keeping out of their business may be tough, but they may be the type of people who'd rather let things play out between themselves instead of being told of what's going on.

Another suggestion I can think of is to sit down and talk to your friend. Tell him how you feel about his communication with this other girl, and how you know he's only just playing around but you don't want to see anyone get hurt. Don't try and accuse him of cheating, and don't bring his current girlfriend into the conversation, as it's not your relationship to judge and he may get angry or defensive. Focus on him during the conversation, so it doesn't seem as though you're talking for his girlfriend. It doesn't hurt to try talking to him though, and hopefully he'll see that maybe what he's doing isn't so good.

It all comes down to what you think you should do as you know them personally, and you can probably imagine how they'd react. I hope things go alright with everyone. Take care. :]

A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.
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Re: Conflict between morals and a promise - August 19th 2009, 12:29 AM

I talked to my closest friend about it, and she helped me decide to tell his girlfriend. Now, she's a mess, she got in an argument with him, and he thinks that she might break up with him. Although, instead of referring to it as a conversation, he referred to it as jokes. I don't mean to sound like a douche, but it kinda serves him right. Oh, and he has no clue how she found out about it. So far, it's a good choice. I just hope it stays that way.
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