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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
NickMillion Offline
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Please give me advice... difficult decision. - September 6th 2009, 09:55 PM

Hey guys,

Please tell me what you think of my current situation and what you would do. I'm really confused and frustrated and don't have long to make a decision.

Basically my mom told me to move out today. It started when I told her I didn't want to mow the lawn for her today because I was hanging out with my girlfriend and going to the zoo. Petty, I know.

My issue is I don't feel like I owe her anything. My parents got divorced around 3 or 4 years ago and ever since my life has sucked. My dad has started a new life and doesn't really care about me and barely sees me and my mother has no money (if she didn't spend it on things like an enhanced cable package she'd be just fine actually) and is stressed out about life. In all this mess it leaves me completely alone and paying for just about everything by myself.

I know it's an awful thing to compare yourself to your friends but all of my friends are moving on campus and getting situated and I'm stuck living at home and commuting to college. I just don't feel like life is being very fair to me. I'm working 60 hours a week to pay for everything while most of them have never obtained real jobs before and don't have to worry about how their college education is being financed. It's frustrating that my parents aren't helping me out in any way whatsoever and that I'm doing it on my own (actually my mom currently owes me $1,000 I loaned to her to help her get by) I can't see how they expect me to help them out when they don't do anything for me. I'm busy enough as it is.

I'm 18 and just getting ready to start college in the next few days. My mom told me to move out. I think that financially I can do it without taking on any debt but it will be much harder and will add a lot of uncertainty to my life.

What should I do? Am I being selfish? Please help me out in the next 24 hours. I don't have long to make my decision. She acts like she's done so much for me and maybe she has earlier in her life but not lately. Do I owe her anything for that? She's really depressed lately because her life sucks so much but I don't think that should be my problem. I have my own life to worry about. I live by the philosophy that I should never restrict myself and following that I've gone to a further away, but much higher quality, university instead of a community college.

I found a single bedroom apartment in a lovely part of town for $350 a month. How does that sound for a first place?

Just give me some opinions and experiences. I think I'm going to do it I just have to be sure I'm making the right choice.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
star_crossd Offline
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Re: Please give me advice... difficult decision. - September 6th 2009, 10:05 PM


It really sucks that you are being forced to make this kind of decision without any support from either parent. Have you mention the $1000 you lent to her or the fact that she's being selfish?

Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.

Music is life. Start living.
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Strider Offline
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Re: Please give me advice... difficult decision. - September 7th 2009, 03:04 AM

Hi Nick,

It does sound like you're in a situation where you need to make a decision that will change your life right now. I hope you receive all the advice you need in the next 24 hours, but if you are looking for more support, then there are always the LiveHelp and HelpLINK parts of the site. LiveHelp can give you direct advice with a LiveHelp operator, if you want to talk one on one, and HelpLINK requests are supposed to be answered within a day or two.

Now to get to your situation. I do think that this is a big decision, but I also think that you have given it a lot of thought and you have been weighing the pros and cons. I think that if you have a job and are able to do the work as well as go to college at the moment, and financially support yourself, then I think you do have what you need to live on your own. I think that $350 a month is a fairly good price, and if you know you can pay that as well as feed yourself and make sure you can go to school, then I think that living on your own is a really good option. If I were in your position, it would be the option I would choose.

If you have been taking care of yourself while staying at your mom's house, I think that is almost like living on your own without actually being on your own. I think you are responsible enough to live on your own.

It is your decision whether or not you ask your mom for the $1000 you loaned her. I think you should consider her situation and whether or not she can pay for it before you ask.

If you do decide to move out, try not to let it affect your relationship with your parents. Try to keep in contact with them by visiting or phoning. Moving out is hard on people, and your mom may have made a rash decision by asking you to move out, and she may regret that.

Make sure that if you move out that you have a place to move to. Get in contact with whoever is renting the place in the city and make sure you talk to them and let them know you are interested in renting it. Get the deal done before packing your bags.

I know it may seem easy for your friends and other people you know right now, but it isn't easy for everyone. Your friends are lucky that they don't need to worry about these things, but I think they are also missing out on some important life lessons and experience.

You are a responsible person, and I think that you can handle moving out and living on your own right now. No matter what you decide, I'm sure it will be right for you. Keep your chin up and work hard. I know you will go far.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me.
Take care.

The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
84y Offline
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Re: Please give me advice... difficult decision. - September 9th 2009, 02:08 PM

personally I think you should do what suits you best, you are not selfish for choosing what is right for you, and parents some times are worst that ******, do what you find to be more suitable, and getting into a place of your own gives you more security for being some where YOU are taking control of

If ur at the bottom then cheer it only can go better
If you are lonely then smile
You do not need them to stay alive
If they hurt you bad ,been hurt worst and every thing is just pushing u down...
And even though you are strong enough to survive

p.m me.........I quite like it

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