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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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Name: Jessie
Age: 26
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Location: Streamwood, IL

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Join Date: January 6th 2009

I need to know. (edit) - September 8th 2009, 11:07 PM

I've liked my best friend since the day we met. He walked into the store I was working at and we hit it off, BFFs right away. He's been someone so close to me. He's always been there for me. I told him I liked him like a week after knowing him and he said he felt the same way, he was my first kiss that day, but he said we couldn't date till I was 16, so my parents would be okay with it. Only 6 months away, I was okay with it. Three weeks later...he called me and said he can't do it. That he felt bad, he was leading me on and didn't like me anymore. I was crushed. I was gonna tell him I was in love with him the next day. He told me I wasn't pretty enough to date and didn't like the same bands as him, which I totally did. Then he said, it was because he didn't think he could make me happy...then I wasn't happy enough...but I suffer from depression. He got with another girl a month after my birthday, which crushed me even more because he was still my best friend. She ruined the friendship, she hated me because I was so close with him and use to like. I hated him for telling her all my problems...which I expected him to keep secret. She called me one day when I was fighting with him and pretty much made me stop being his friend. He didn't fight for us...it killed me. They broke up, we became friends again...because I went to him.

He went off to college and the week before he did...things happened. We were joking around, I kissed his cheek, and he said he thought I was gonna kiss him on the lips. So I did and he kissed back. Then I saw him later in the week, last day before he left, and we kissed a lot then. The feelings never left that I had for him, but...I hide them away. I went to visit him in college a week later and I slept over, it was nice. First guy I ever slept with, not sex, but yeah. Things happened again, but not sex. Sexual things. I keep asking him if he thinks we'll happen, and he says that he wants to date me one day, but...I'm sick of waiting. I wanna know now. I've waited a year and a half, but for some reason...I can't get it out. I can't ask him, I'm afraid he'll say no. And since he's in college...the friendship has been fading away. Like...he's forgotten me or something, I pointed this out perfectly and he said, we won't let it fade away. When I asked him once, he said, he didn't think he'd make a good boyfriend to me and wasn't sure if he was ready yet...I don't want to push him away, but I wanna know, I deserve to know and I deserve to know now.

How can I get the courage to ask him? And if he says no, how do I move on from him? How do I stay best friends with him if he says no? How do I deal with him dating other girls? And if he says yes he wants to date me now, what do I do?

Edit: He said, he doesn't want to ruin our friendship and doesn't he'd make a good boyfriend to me. So, I now know...but what should I do about the friendship? Because it hurts too much, but I don't want to stop being his friend...


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

"She loves me, she loves me not, despite the fact I smell like pot, I write this poem to you Jessie, are you my lady love to be?" -
sphynx


Last edited by Jessielove; September 10th 2009 at 06:38 AM.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
xoxErinPaigexox Offline
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Name: Erin
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Re: I need to know. - September 8th 2009, 11:42 PM

hey, im hoping i can be somewhat of help for u. i went through the same thing as u, in fact im going through it again. it realy does suck. & it hurts. & as for asking him out, im the same way. i always have the thought that what if he says no... what will happen. i hated being in that position. but if u ask him & he says yes then go for it. if you really like him.
now the hard part.. if u ask & he says no. i understand you would be crushed. but its another lesson that will be learned. & if he says no then he doesnt deserve you. if he has the nerve to say no, just try to keep your head up high. if he gives you the excuse that 'hes not a good bf for u' make it clear that u are willing to work what ever that means out, & u think he will be.

as for the depression, i suffer from it too. try to talk to people that care about u enough to listen. like a friend? i find that it helps to talk to people. if u cant find anyone to talk to, im here. u can talk to me. im a good listener & i'd be more than happy to help you...
i sent u an im over aim, i got ur aim on here, just IM me on AIM my screen name is - dunzo91

keep me posted! & i hope i helped any.. give me an IM if u ever want to talk.

xo, Erin
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
kiwiokee Offline
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Name: Kelsey.
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Location: wherever my heart takes me.

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Join Date: April 24th 2009

Re: I need to know. - September 10th 2009, 12:45 AM

this guy seems to rail you in and spit you out with a reason why you guys can't actually be together. but you seem to like him, so i suggest telling him. take that chance! if he says yes, embrace your time together! if he makes another reason up or says no, i would separate from him for awhile. Take time to get over him. After some feelings go away, return to him as a friend - and nothing more. (If he says no,) your just wasting your time on someone, even if your friends with him, who doesn't want a relationship. It might just not be with you, or with anyone for that matter. Maybe he's interested in being friends with benefits? Who knows what goes on inside his head! It seems he was your first at everything, and they are always hard to get over. (From experience.) But if things donnot work out, their are plenty of guys out there who deserve you!
But I really hope everything works out

-Kelsey <3
   
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