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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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bongobid07 Offline
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Friends - October 6th 2009, 01:06 AM

Hi all,
Was after some advice but firstly, I'll fill you in on the need to know info...

I've sort of been off the social scene for a while now (I have my own issues in regards to this which I need to deal with) and I'm desperate to get back out there and start having some fun. The only problem is, I don't a large selection of people around me who I would consider good friends. And those who I have remained in contact with, I feel it is a bit unfair if I ring them up every week and ask if they wanna go to the movies or something, as they have their own lives too. I think the problem started initially because I was shy and not that outgoing, and, well... if you don't turn up to one event or something, why invite me to the next one?

So I'm here. I want to get better and get out there. I want to form friendships so I can safely say that I have friends. Good friends. Friends that I can just hang out with and they actually want to friend me. Most of the time it is me calling them, otherwise, they would never call me and I don't like that. I want to change that.

So I'm after advice. On how to go out and meet people. I guess my main interests would be filmmaking (which I currently work within the industry) and I have always had a respect for theatre, but I keep on thinking that by joining some sort of theatre club, that's more for the young ones (i'm +22) and because of the nature of my work, I can't really commit to anything too long term.

If you have any ideas on how to tackle this issue, or suggestions on how I can form better friendships with the ones I have got, I'd love to hear 'em... because at this stage, it's getting to the point that I feel like nothing will ever change, and I hate that thought.
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Strider Offline
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Re: Friends - October 6th 2009, 11:19 PM

Hi there,

Things can change as long as you have initiative, and it sure sounds like you do! Being shy and holding back sometimes makes it difficult for people to know whether you are not going to their events because you aren't interested or just because you are nervous. I suggest you phone up your old friends and let them know that you have some extra time these days and would like to hang out with them. This doesn't mean you need to phone them up every week. Maybe give it a two weeks between each call to give them some space to do their own things. Ask them when they have activities and try to plan around their schedules.

Clubs are always a great idea for meeting new people. They will give you a chance to interact with people you would have never gotten the chance to meet, and if the club is based around a certain interest, you are able to talk and connect on topics of that interest. Theatre sounds like a great idea, since it is the field you are working in. It will give you a chance to sharpen some skills as well as meet people. Don't worry about being older. There are plenty of theatre groups that have members who are a lot older than you. One of my mom's friends (who is in her 40s) goes to an improv group that gets together every few weeks and there are people of all age groups who go.

I suggest you check and see if there are any booklets on clubs and activities in your area at your local library or community center. Often it will say what age group it is geared towards. If you can't find a booklet, then try talking to someone at one of the desks or phoning up the community center and ask if they have activities for adults in their 20s. I'm sure there are a lot of options out there.

Things will change for you. You just need to put in the effort to phone your friends up and ask them to hang out and try meeting new people at work or at a club/activity. When you start talking to new people, ask them if they have any hobbies or other activities they like to do. If you like something similar, then ask if they want to hang out and do that activity with you.

Take care and good luck!
PM me any time if you want to talk


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