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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Popo Offline
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I want her back in my life, but should I? - October 6th 2009, 10:13 PM

-----SHORT VERSION-----
I started talking with this girl May of 07 (I think)
Around August, we stopped talking because of something stupid.
And by the time October had finished up that year, I had my first bad case of depression because of her.
I haven't really thought about her too much since then, and I haven't really talked to her since.
But now, I'm starting to care about her more and more, and I think I want to be friends with her again. Thing is, I'm afraid it'll set off another suicidal episode for me.
-----LONG VERSION-----
A few of you might remember me posting almost 6 months(ish) ago about a girl.
It started when I overheard her talking about an experience she had with some guy. He raped her. I started talking to her after that, and we were sort of friends. But later, I tried to explain my feelings towards my friends, how I loved each one of them like a family. She misunderstood it as "I have a crush on you" and tells one of my friends that she thinks I have a crush on her. The friend she told tells me, and I'm not sure what to think at first. I asked her if she told anyone about our conversation, and she denied it. Now I'm paranoid I just dreamt it or something. So I ask the friend she told. I get reassured that I'm not going crazy, and I ask her again. She still denied it. After that, the details get rather blurry for me. I don't even care what happened with that stupid crush thing. Maybe she told my friend, maybe she didn't. But I don't care anymore. At the time, I thought it was just this event that made me depressed and suicidal, but looking back, it was the buildup of stress that did it. This event just sent all that stress tumbling onto me.

After we stopped talking, I got worse. At first, I didn't feel anything towards her. Eventually, I was (in a way) afraid of seeing her. Later on, I wanted nothing to do with her, I hated her, I wanted to call her terrible names, yell at her, just be an ass in general to her for what she did to me.

But more recently, I've started to care about her more. A "friend" of mine was telling me a story about how she has some STD (which is probably true), and that he and another guy were calling her the town whore, making fun of her, telling her that everyone wants to avoid her because she has a million different diseases. I was angry, but I keep my anger in check now. I don't let him see it. Then he tells me another "HILARIOUS" story about how he and some other guy were picking on her because she was hyped for a soccer game in which some of the girls got to play (homecoming events), telling her that girls weren't meant for sports, and a bunch of other shit that I dare not repeat (Not even if I added the non PG-13 tag). They made her cry for almost an hour straight. This downright pissed me off, but I still held my anger in line until he left.

Listen. I don't have any romantic feelings for her. I don't have any sexual feelings for her. I never have, and I never will. And if I did, I'd laugh at my pitiful self for even hoping I'd ever have a chance with her, or any other female for that matter.
I just want her (and every one of my friends) to be happy.
I just want to be there for her.

I'm just afraid I'll do/say something stupid again, then have another suicidal episode.
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KittenGoesRoar Offline
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Re: I want her back in my life, but should I? - October 6th 2009, 10:36 PM

I think if you're afraid that something's gonna happen to you if you talk to this girl again, then I think you should starve the desire to see/talk to her. I know it's hard to even think about doing and I know you care about her, but you need to think of your own well-being first. After all, you can't help someone until you're completely okay with yourself first.

I hope things work out for you in the future. Please keep us updated on what's going on.

~Kitten


"I was born with an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it."- Audery Hepburn

"All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them."- Walt Disney

Think happy thoughts...and boys will buy you diamonds!"- Hello Kitty


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Popo Offline
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Re: I want her back in my life, but should I? - October 8th 2009, 10:31 PM

But the thing is, I could care less about my well-being. It wouldn't matter to me if I died tomorrow, as long as the people I care about wouldn't be upset. But I know they would. So I try to avoid dying for now. But I certainly don't care about my well being.

When I see someone in a bad situation like that (raped, suicidal, abusive parents, etc.), it just tears me down. I lose myself in worrying about them. I end up not caring about myself, just to shift all the care to them. Even if I die in the process, I all but dedicate myself to finding a way to help them. I love all my friends like a family. But I've got so much more love to give. Thing is, I'll never get the chance to give all that love, because no female would ever want me to be anything more than a friend. So I try to care about everyone. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and that's what kills me. People take me for granted. They don't realize how close to the edge I actually am most of the time. That's good, because I only want a few people to know anyway. Even though if someone asked, I'd probably tell them.

I'm going to try and start talking to her. It probably won't go anywhere, I'm too shy anyways.
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