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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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mr_null Offline
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Resent my dad, can anyone else empathize? - October 9th 2009, 07:26 PM

I've been going crazy living with my parents for a while now, and today I broke down and told my mom about it. She is willing to pay for rent for a few months for me to live on my own for a while, but when I tried explaining the issues I have with my dad she took his side and didn't really get me.

I am as close to hating my dad as I've ever been. My problem with him is I feel he's been a terrible role model all my life. He's awkward around other people, he's a giant slob, he has disgusting eating habits, he's impossible to relate to, he's a giant prude and has hangups about sex, he's anxious and obsessive, and when I was younger he got angry easily and shouted a lot.

I've never felt comfortable inviting friends over if my parents were around, I've never felt comfortable being around other people in the presence of my parents. I felt like I couldn't be open or emotive in the presence of my dad. He's never been very open about anything and it's only since I've started going out more and hanging out with people that I realized how neurotic and emotionless I had been most of my life. I'm so sick of it, I feel like I have to cut contact with my dad so I can figure myself out and finally feel well-adjusted.

The only sexual advice I've ever had from him is the time I caught him watching porn when I was 10. At the time I thought sex was evil and wrong, so it upset me that he was watching sexual stuff. When I confronted him about it he vehemently denied watching porn ("you know I don't go on those kinds of sites") even though I was there and saw him do it. He then told me that there's nothing wrong with sex, it's sex without commitment that is wrong, and at the time I had no idea what that meant or how it related to porn, and it just confused me further.

I've never had a girlfriend or anything beyond a quick awkward make-out session in my life. I didn't even figure out how to go about getting a relationship until THIS FUCKING YEAR. I'm 19 years old and only now do I feel like I know how to let a girl know I'm interested in her, but rarely do I feel happy enough to have the energy and the clarity of mind to do so.

He's just such a pathetic piece of shit, I don't understand how anyone would want to live like him. A long time ago he told me the reason he's not more emotional or whatever is because his dad was hard on him and not very close with him either, but I'm in his situation now and I've managed to get out and adjust myself to society a considerable amount already, so I guess he's just a lame fuck.

I resent him and don't want to have anything to do with him and nobody seems to understand but me. I feel like his influence on me has fucked me up in the head and that nobody else thinks so.

Advice/support welcome, thanks.
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Re: Resent my dad, can anyone else empathize? - October 10th 2009, 05:42 AM

Don't know what to offer advice wise, but I relate to that man. My old man fucked me up as well even though I never knew him. Only thing he ever gave was fear. From what I can gather he was a fuckin' criminal douche bag who ran out on my Mom when she found out she was pregnant - ditching both of us. Thus, making her give me away. My whole life I couldn't trust anyone, always thinking they'd throw me out or down and kick me around. Turns out that's Erickson's first stage in life: trust/mistrust and my bastard of a father made sure I failed that. It's been hindering possible friendships and getting close to a girl - I'm terrified of intimacy because it might lead to them leaving me too. So the impact that a horrible father can have on their son's life however involved in it they are - yeah, father's can suck.
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Re: Resent my dad, can anyone else empathize? - October 10th 2009, 05:54 AM

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about that, man. Sometimes I think its better to limit interaction with parents once we're on our own, it gives you the opportunity to become comfortable with yourself, etc. So I think it'd be a good idea for you to go on your own for a while, to get a clear head and whatnot. I guess the best thing to get from this is that he shows you how NOT to be. Reverse role-modeling. Anyway, I hope this helped a bit, if you do go out on your own, let us know

Yesterday I saw you kissing tiny flowers
But everything that lives is born to die
And so I say to you that nothing really matters
And all you do is stand and cry.

Music is life. Start living.
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dad, empathize, resent

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