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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Name: Kayos
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getting kicked out? - October 16th 2009, 08:39 PM

This is long, sorry.

My mother and I haven't gotten along since 8th grade. We just constantly get on each others nerves. She is often unpredictable. I can never tell what is going to make her angry and what she is going to do about it. For example, one day I failed to do some minor chores, like taking out the trash. While I was at work, she piled all the living room furniture against the wall and went to bed, so I came home wondering what on earth happened and had to put everything back. Other times, she will do absolutely nothing, or just not get mad at all. I dont' understand.

Anyway, her opinion of me as of late is that I am lazy, a liar, and destined to fail at life in general. This opinion is my fault to an extent, but not fully. There are a lot of things that have happened that I won't get into at the moment that have affected our relationship.

Here is the current problem: I turned 18 last month. Since then, she has ultimately told me that in January, she is moving to Chicago (getting a job transfer) and I am not invited to go with her. She has also implied, though not directly stated, that if I screw up one more time, I will be asked to move out of the house. I have no idea what I'm going to do if that happens, because I barely make enough money right now to pay for gas and car insurance, let alone an apartment or anything. I have had a couple friends in the past say that I am welcome to move in with them, but I sincerely doubt their parents would be ok with that, and even if they were I could never do that to someone. So now I'm really not sure what to do. I'm also not sure what I expect anyone here to tell me. I just need to figure out something to do until I graduate in June and can go to college. Providing, that is, that I can get into college (my grades have suffered the past few years due to personal issues getting in the way of studying and I'm currently failing spanish) but that is a completely different issue. So anyway, if anyone has any suggestions for how to not get kicked out of my house or something, by all means, tell me.
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Name: Nat
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Re: getting kicked out? - October 17th 2009, 08:04 PM

Hi Kazz,

I'm really sorry that things have been so rough at home. Your mom seems to be acting very unfairly to you. Sometimes people exaggerate small problems or things that annoy them when they are stressed out. Could it be that your mom was acting this way towards you because of built up stress from her job or other aspects of her life? Maybe she isn't sure how to handle things when she gets emotional and ends up taking it out on you.

What I suggest you do is find a time when your mom is calm and let her know that you would like to stay at home until she decides to move. Ask her what she expects of you to do to help around the house and make sure you stick to your chores. Accidents happen and you might forget, but do your best to make it up to her.

In the meantime, keep your eyes open for postings for better paying jobs. If you are going to live on your own when your mom moves, then you need a way to support yourself. Check newspapers and pick up applications at as many jobs as you can find and start applying now.

If your friends have offered you a place to stay, then I think you should take them up on it. If you have nowhere to go, then your best option is to stay with a friend. Talk to their parents and let them know what your situation is at home and let them know that you would really appreciate a place to stay for a while. I know you don't want to do that to your friend's parents, but it is a safe option that you should really consider. You aren't trying to stay there permanently, just until you find a job that can help cover your costs of living. Maybe if you make a bit of extra money, you could pay some rent.

This is a stressful time, but do your best to stay strong. You do have options, and I think you should make sure you have a safe place to stay.

Take care and all the best.
Nat.


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