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reziaie Offline
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Divorced parents make me sad. - October 21st 2009, 01:45 PM

My parents divorced when I was 4, and until about 2 years ago I didn't even bat an eyelid about it because I thought that they were happier so I was happier. It's hard to know where to start explaining.

My dad remarried about 6 years ago and I do NOT get on with my stepmum because she's obnoxious and always tells me what chores to do etc (how cliche does that sound). I have a step sister and a step brother who moved in when they married, the step sister got my room so I had to share with my older sister. Gradually I noticed all my stuff that was in the house (which was a lot because I lived with my dad until I was 12) started making its way to my mum's house in bin bags because my step mum claimed "there's no space!" so now everything I own that was at my dad's house is in the garage and I pretty much stay in the guest room when I'm there for weekends. It doesn't feel like the home it used to be and to top it off I find myself constantly being told to clean up mess that's NOT MINE I know that sounds selfish but when I see my dad for 2 days a week I don't want to be cleaning the bathroom of mess that they've made during the week. My dad has high ambitions for me for the future, too high.

My mum has had another child from a relationship after my dad. My half sister is just like my real sister I love her to bits, but I think my mum's trying to get some of her youth back or something..Basically she married my dad real young so since she had my half sister I've been taking a lot of responsibility for getting her sorted on a daily basis. I have no problems with this it just leaves me a lot less time to do my work etc and causes me to get stressed.

I've got a boyfriend who I've been with for 2 years now. My mum's fine with it but since my dad's Iranian and therefore his culture is massively different to ours he thinks it's inappropriate that I have a boyfriend at this time due to school work and I'm not allowed to stay round etc and now he's gone to uni I'm not allowed to visit him so I hardly ever see him. Luckily we're doing okay but I'm trying to think of a way round it and I just can't .

The past year I've been suffering from migraine like headaches, about 4/5 times a week. Having been back and forth to the doctors it was concluded it's due to stress and I was prescribed some tablets to help. My mum decided the tablets were too hardcore so she set up a meeting with me her and my dad to discuss my problems with them. I brought up various points eg I do not want to be their go between they need to grow up and talk to each other properly. I do not want them speaking badly of each other in front of me because I don't care. I want to be able to see my boyfriend and visit him at university. I want to spend time with my half sister on a more sisterly basis rather than me playing the role of mum all the time. I want my dad's house to feel more like a home etc etc etc.

They're doing their best to improve things I can see that. But things are slowly slipping back to the way it used to be. My headaches are getting more frequent again too. I hate the way I have to split my time between them and if I don't see one for a period of time I'm made to feel guilty about it. I can't think of another way of seeing them for equal amounts of time without me having to pack all my belongings into a suitcase every week and move about. I don't feel settled and I can't ever relax and it's really getting to me. The only thing that really helps is seeing my boyfriend he's helped me so much but I'm not even allowed to do that any more now he's at university some 3 hours away from me. I can't stop getting really angry and upset about it all the time. My older sister has recently gone to university too so I don't have her to speak to any more.

University is only one year away for me but I feel it couldn't come sooner I need to get away before I go crazy. It's becoming harder and harder to be happy!!

I'd really appreciate advice for anyone in similar situations to me especially concerning how to go about visiting both parents without feeling like I'm constantly travelling around.
   
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Ashiee Offline
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Re: Divorced parents make me sad. - October 26th 2009, 12:32 AM

Heyy,

I know exactly what you are going through. My parents divorced when I was 3 and about 3 years ago my mother got remarried to this guy who we all thought was the greatest thing in the world. He was soo nice to us, but he really had us fooled. After they got married it all changed. He became mean and he was drunk every night and we fight constantly. Well what makes it even worse is that he likes to put my dad down because he doesnt have the kind of money that he has.
My dad about a year and a half ago met this woman and they hit it off and I love her to death she is the greatest thing that ever happened to him.
But what you have to do is just tell your stepmom that you need respect from her. And I also know how you feel about moving between two homes. I go to my dads every weekend and it gets tiring after awhile.

I was always angry and upset like you are but it all will change when you turn 18 at least it did for me. He started treating me more like an adult and not telling me what to do. But just wait it out and see what happens even if it does mean having arguements. I also have the headaches you get and all you can do about them is do your best to stay calm.

I hope that helped a bit..
   
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