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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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ThePunkAlien Offline
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Name: Josh
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Post *How do you make friends? Ask them to hang out???* - January 25th 2009, 12:33 AM

Okay, I know right off the bat some people are going to be what the hell kind of a question is that? Well, to preface this I have to say that all the friends I have - except for one - I've known since I was five or sometime before that. Five years old really seems to be the cutting off point, from that point on I haven't made any friends except for one.

This one, well, it was easy. I was going to Los Angeles - I knew absolutely no one. And I told him that it would be cool if he could show me around and introduce me to the area. From there I made my first friend in a long time.

For me, I'm a guy all about acquaintances. I know people in school. Over a period of time, I start becoming more comfortable. But, there's certain things that I have never done really with acquaintances and don't know where to begin.

Not to sound homophobic, but guess that might be part of the difficulty. I'm actually less nervous asking a girl for her number or if she wants to hang out, because hey it's good either way she interprets it. A guy on the other hand - I wouldn't know where to begin. I know this may sound really irrational, but it seems that asking for somebody's number after meeting them at a class - or even asking an acquaintance if they want to do something - that for whatever reason they'll think I'm gay. With friends I've had since I was a child, no problem - they know I'm not that way... it's easy... but, I somewhat have an irrational fear that if I ask a guy for his number or to hang that he'll think I'm gay.

That's what happens when you haven't really made friends since you were five. You don't know where to start other than getting someone to help out as a tour guide and taking things from there.

So I feel really ashamed asking this, like beyond ashamed, how do you make friends?

Not talking about how do you get along with people, because I do that just fine. Just how do you take it to the "do you want to hang out?" stage naturally????

I also have to note that previously in my life I was the lone wolf, and only recently was able to move on from that-- thus the reason for being socially retarded--
   
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Re: *How do you make friends? Ask them to hang out???* - January 25th 2009, 12:57 AM

Okay well this is an odd question. Not that its bad, but I have never though about it. Well for me to make a freind, its always been natural, like you got to put yourself out there and find a common interest. So if your sitting next to someone next to you comment on their book or if there shirt has some logo on it like a band name, then just talk a bit. You dont have to talk a lot, but if you have a neighbor just say hi then eventually start a converstation. I hope you understand what I'm saying, since I dont know how to explain it. As sad as this sounds I met a freind by going up to them and asking them to play the game where you try to slap ones hand while the other avoids it(but that was when i was in 6th grade.) So I guess I'm saying just talk to a person and if you get along then maybe you could be freinds. OH and if your so worried about being called gay if you ask his number just say "we should play basketball or something sometime, so just call me if you ever want to then ask." Well maybe part of it is, girls can ask another girls number without being called a lesbian(not that i care one of my freinds is). So good luck understanding what i tried to type, and its not that hard making a friend just start by saying hi. tell me how this works for you.


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Re: *How do you make friends? Ask them to hang out???* - January 25th 2009, 12:16 PM

Hey there Josh,

It sounds like you've got the acquaintances already, you just need to ask them to hang out, right? I think that the best way to solve this is to get together in a group. Ask a bunch of people if they want to see a movie or something. Then it is not just with one individual. Most people will not think that you are gay if you ask them to hang out, but if you want to be on the safe side, ask a group. This doesn't need to be a big group, maybe 2 or 3 other people. You could invite some of your old friends to.

By doing this, those acquaintances can become friends very easily. You don't need to start right at the beginning to make new friends.

Or if you are thinking of starting from scratch, why not join a group in your area? You could participate in a sports team, join a class, or do some volunteering. Those are good ways to make friends and hang out at the same time. Then you can invite them other places (again in a group if you want).

I hope that helps!
All the best to you.
Nat.


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