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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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She doesn't value our friendship. - October 24th 2009, 01:13 AM

This might get a little confusing...
I've been good friends with this one girl at my school since seventh grade (I'm in 12th now). We've been throught a few little arguments that have always turned out fine, but over the last year or so I feel like she's turned into a completely different person.
It started last year, when she started dating this one guy. She stopped wanting to hang out with any of her other friends and started doing rediculous things to try to impress him. She started smoking, and lying to people, telling them she'd been doing it since she was 12 and doing a bunch of drugs. We tried to talk to her about it, but every time we did she'd say she wasn't doing any of that stuff, even though she was going around to everyone else and bragging about it.
they broke up after a few months and she got back with her ex, who was one of my friends, but they broke up on the same day I got dumped by my boyfriend. My friend told me not to talk to her ex anymore, or we couldn't be friends. I thought it was a little bit rediculous, but I went a long with it. I sort of expected her to stay away from my ex, too, but by the end of the summer they were "best friends." according to her.
I recently found out that she has been "in love" with my ex "for like, ever." I feel like maybe I shouldn't be so upset about this, because I never actually told her I would be uncomfortable with them being friends. I just thought that she valued our friendship a little more than this.
   
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Re: She doesn't value our friendship. - October 25th 2009, 12:26 AM

Hello =]

I think there are some things you should be able to expect from your friends without having to blatantly ask. I don't think it's completely wrong that she got so close to your ex, but I would say it's a bit of an unspoken rule to not do that kind of thing. If she asked you to not speak to her ex, then she should have respected that with your ex as well.

People change in high school. They meet new people, try new things, and find out new interests. I think that change can be a good thing, but when it's negatively affecting someone, then it should be dealt with. I think you should sit down with your friend and talk to her seriously about what has been going on. Let her know that you don't like that she is saying she is doing things in order to impress people and you want her to respect your feelings about her spending so much time with your ex.

It doesn't sound like your friend has been acting like a good friend towards you. You should not have to stop talking to a friend just because she asks you to. That is unfair. Unless she starts respecting you as well, then I don't think you should put yourself out for her. You can still hang out with her, but if she comes asking for favours then you should think twice about them.

I hope that things go better between you and your friend.
Take care.

Nat.


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