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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Confused09 Offline
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Serious Problem with best friend - January 25th 2009, 10:30 AM

Hi all, thanks in advance for your advice!

Here's my problem:

My best friend has a new boyfriend and she is spending 24/7 with him (almost literally, this is college and people can do that easily)!

He is a really great guy: he is taking things slow physically, he does not seem like the jealous type (I am a guy, not a girl, so this is important) ect… However, I rarely see her anymore (as opposed to spending probably half our free time together before this guy came along). I have lots of other great friends, I date a lot of girls, and I have a great social life, but I really miss my best friend.

I have talked with her about it, hinting how hurt I am, but she just makes excuses, says that eventually (months down the road!) things will tone down a little (but still not get anywhere near normal!!) ect… If I were a little younger, I would just wait this out for a few weeks, but we are getting to the age (19) where these things can begin to last a LONG time. I feel like once its over, I can let her know, not only how bad for romantic relationships this sort of thing can be, but how much it hurt me as a friend. I trust that after that, she won't do it again in her next relationship. However, it seems like it could possibly be months or even years and until the relationship is over, I doubt I can make her see the light before then. What do I do?

-Hurt and Confused
   
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Re: Serious Problem with best friend - January 25th 2009, 10:54 AM

I'm not really sure what to tell you to do. When I was 15, I did the same thing as your friend. I lost some really good friends. If I could send myself a letter from now back to then, I would tell myself to not be so serious. I would tell myself to not forget who my friends are because they have been there for me, and the guy most likely won't last.

Maybe try explaining to her that instead of focusing all of her time on the boyfriend, she needs to keep up with her friendships as well. If she loses her friends and then something happens with the boyfriend, she will have no one. She may think you will always be there, but after a while you will have had enough of it. And you won't want to go back to being friends. If she doesn't listen to you, try writing her a letter explaining things. Tell her you're happy that she found someone, but she doesn't need to spend all of her time with him.
   
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Re: Serious Problem with best friend - January 25th 2009, 12:26 PM

Hi there,

I think you should just find time and invite your friend places. Ask her to hang out or plan on going somewhere with her. Just tell her that you would like to spend some time with her and that you miss not being able to spend time together.

I know she is busy with her boyfriend and everything, but just remind her that your friendship is important too. It's good to have a balance in life. When she's together with someone that doesn't mean she should block everyone else out.

She's your friend and I'm sure she will listen to you. It sounds like she just needs a little reminding. In the meantime, though, try hanging out with a few other people while still planning time for your best friend.

I hope it works out for you.
Nat.


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