TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives

You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cookie.prose17 Offline
Member
Not a n00b
**
 
Cookie.prose17's Avatar
 
Name: Cookie
Gender: Female

Posts: 76
Join Date: May 21st 2009

Issues (long). - October 30th 2009, 06:01 AM

My mom feels like she's failed as a parent, because all three of her kids are unhappy, right now.

My little brother is avoidant, and has a meltdown whenever he's forced to work on his school assignments, and is constantly missing work. At this rate, he won't survive high school. I blame myself for this--and my brother. My older brother is a complete slacker/homebody. He is a brilliant mind and could have easily gone to any school he wanted had he tried hard enough. Instead, he ended up partying all of senior year and going to the (still very good, but he could have done better) university my dad teaches at (free tuition). Had Jonathon and I set a better example for him, maybe he wouldn't have believed it was normal to stay home and laze around hours and hours at a time. Maybe he would have made more of an effort to take care of himself. Of course, I know all he wants is for all three of us to go back to how we were--back in elementary school when none of us had any obligations and all of us were as close as ever. Now Christopher's in the 8th grade, and all of his friends are applying for the magnet program. It's not that Christopher isn't smart enough, he just lacks work ethic. I recognize some of his behaviors because I was a little like that in middle school, too--except the work was easier, and I could breeze through classes with much more ease. I ended up becoming *very* stressed at high school, and although I managed for the most part with about a 3.0 GPA, I know I could have done much better (a 3.6+) had I had better work ethic.

I have been depressed for nearly a year about leaving high school. It's something I'm of course going to have to live with. I know that it was the right decision given the circumstances, but all my old friends' total *ignorance* about it gets to me sometimes. I can tell I'm doing better here than I was at high school--I've learned a lot more here, and I'm developing a strong work ethic (after making a few mistakes along the way). My mom says that if I don't do well here, I'm not going to have many options at all. I know she's right, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes--I will finish this project I've started for myself (entering college two years early) to the best of my ability, from now on. Although, I'm also a little upset that I have very few friends and that in my sophomore year of high school, I was bullied by a group of girls I was once very close with. I've been dealing with the aftermath since January. They were terrible, and hurtful, and there are some days I still cry about it. It's gotten even worse since one of these girls wormed her way back into my life. This is the girl who bullied me (mainly because I didn't want to be her friend anymore), and then suddenly decides that she's changed, and that she wants to keep in touch (trust me, that's *always* a trap). The same b/s that worked out so well the year before. And what do I do? I knew it was wrong, but despite myself I agreed to it *again*, a year later, and decided to talk to her (without my parents' knowledge). I was doing *so* incredibly well before she contacted me. It's like, the minute my life was starting to fall into place, the minute I was completely over it, she rears her ugly head. (I deleted my old e-mail address *specifically* to break contact, after I left. She found me on *Facebook*.) And I didn't refuse her (despite my reluctance, and several attempts to get rid of her). Why is that? Maybe it's because I felt like I needed her? And if I said no, what, her posse would gang up on me (which is pretty much what happened last year)? It's insane. And because of this, my grades have dropped. Seriously. What can I do to get her to leave me alone? How do I say it? I tried getting rid of her before, but then I felt *guilty* about it, and apologized, and then she just assumed her place again. I'm reluctant to for some reason, but I know that once it's over, I can just get on with my life and she can get on with hers. I feel bad whenever I talk to her, and I compulsively replied to each of her e-mails, and started checking my inbox *obsessively*. I *hate* her for doing this to me. I really do. Maybe she means well, but she is *unfair* and *unreasonable* and she is hurting me, even after I've left her school, and moved on, and have an entirely new life, now. She can't be allowed to do that--I don't want to let her anymore.
And I swear, if I hear another *word* about "prom" or "the grand high school experience" I may very well scream. So please do not try and suggest that I just go back to high school--a different high school, and tell me that I could quite possibly ruin my life, etc etc, because I already know. I'm aware of this. I'm also aware that if I put my heart into this, and work hard on each and every assignment I'm given, and do everything possible to get an A in each course, that I will be just fine. Before this girl contacted me, I got an *A* that I worked really hard for, in my first course (ended a few weeks ago). The decision is done. My parents have made it very clear to me that I am *never* going back to high school. This is my life, now. And my performance here will determine how many choices I have for university. I'm *smart*. I turned 16 two months ago, and I am taking an *honors* college course. I really do believe that I belong here, and I am capable of doing very well for myself. And I want to move on with my life and make *true* friends. Not friends who say they care and then chase me out of their school. Not friends who turn other friends of mine against me, destroying four years of friendship, long before she showed up in the 8th grade, and then decide that they want to *apologize*. You can't *apologize* for something like that. I have *had* it. I am *sick* of her selfishness. And I am sick of crying all the time because talking to her has brought up bad memories that are clearer than *ever*, now--talking to her makes me regress, and I do *not* want to go back to being a miserable as I was, before. I am sick of making my family worry about me. It isn't fair of me to do that.
Tips, by the way, on building a stronger support system? I'm meeting some kids on campus, and I've made some friends, but should I be doing anything specific? I've been looking at clubs, and I'm a member of two clubs so far, but I can't seem to get a hold of some more of the clubs I've expressed interest in. I want to do a sport on campus, but that will have to wait until next semester. I want to start going to church more (I really think I should), and volunteering there, and maybe take some classes at the recreational center. I want to be happier, and I don't want my parents to have to worry about me anymore. My mom is sending me to see a psychologist (I thought I could handle it all on my own, but that's really not the case anymore), so hopefully that will help me get my life together, but any advice you might have would be great.

My brother, Jonathon, now decides that he doesn't fit in at the university he attends. He feels like he can't find any like-minded people he can be friends with. So maybe this wasn't the best match for him. But he's the best off out of all three of us. He still has friends, even though they're far away, and they all call him up regularly and absolutely love him to bits. I'm really happy for him--it wasn't always that way for him.

So in short, I need to make friends but stay focused on my studies at the same time, my little brother needs to do better in school so he can stay with his friends (I really hope he gets into the magnet program, and succeeds there. I want him to be really happy, and have a fantastic time, and make lots of good friends, and get into a good college, because he deserves that), and my older brother needs to meet people. And we *all* need to get our lives together--we're stressing our parents out. We'd *just* resolved all conflicts with *each other* last year, and just when things were finally looking up, summer ended, and school started. How can I make my entire family happier? I just want us to enjoy the time we have left together before Jonathon and I leave home. And also, after we leave, will we just *not* be close anymore? Will they be happier if I just disappear? I love my parents, but I'm scared that it's not possible for us to be close anymore. I feel like they're disappointed, and annoyed by me. I feel like they don't even have faith in me anymore, and that I've failed them. Maybe it just seems that way because I'm unhappy at the moment, but I really don't know.

Troubled ,
Emily
   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
issues, long

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.