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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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sblack Offline
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I Don't Want Him in My Life - November 12th 2009, 10:30 PM

I know what I'm about to say is going to make me sound like a horrible person, but I need to vent this somewhere.

My parents have been divorced since I was 5, and I'm 17 now. My mom had me throughout the week, and my dad had me every second weekend. Anyways, I got a job and I eventually couldn't go down to see him very often because of this, and he lived over an hour away.

He ended up meeting a woman. I have NEVER liked her - she has always treated me like dirt, and has talked down to me. She has two daughters and she never made me feel welcome. She has verbally abused me whether directly or indirectly .. she has called me fat on various ocassions and so on and so forth.

They got married. In March. Since then, I have seen my father once and talked to him maybe 3 times. I called him on fathers day and he never answered the phone and never returned the call. I am sick of playing the parent ; he is the adult not me. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad, I really do. And this whole situation is breaking my heart.

I either want him in my life, or not. Does this make me sound like a horrible person? I feel like crying when I think about this .. I don't want HER in my life and I feel since they have been married she has taken him away from me. I don't want him to pop into my life whenever he feels like it.

There is no way I can be around her. My mom and her don't get along, so she doesn't force me to go. She has been rude to my mother, and also treats my dad awful. I can't bear to be aorund it, and I don't know what to do. I can't say anything to him about not liking her, but I don't know what to do now.


"Life is simple ; it's just not easy." - Author unknown

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jaimelu Offline
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Re: I Don't Want Him in My Life - November 14th 2009, 07:34 PM

first thing, im proud of yoo for venting. if yoo hadnt, yoo might've ended up on twloha.com second, i hop yoo and yur mom r gettin along well. divorces can be difficult, especially when there's a new quote on quote 'parent' in the family. i no yo lov yur dad and that yoo want him around. i understadn yur situation. but if this is the way things r goin, im sorry to say that yur dad sounds lik hes put yoo second. and no girl is someone's 2nd choice. yoo should alwasy be first. im sry, but yoor too good to be treated the way yoo hav. yur not fat, yur not stupid, or anything else this woman has said to yoo. i must admit this story makes yoo sound lik cinderella, and look how her story turned out? it'll be alright, but remember this; yur mom probly had a good reason for divorcing, he obviously put her 2nd too. just think aboutthis; your bette trthna that, and if yoo hav to leave him behind to liv a happy life, so be it. yur bettr than that. good luck, hop this helps
   
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Re: I Don't Want Him in My Life - November 15th 2009, 07:05 PM

Hi there,

I actually think what you are saying is very reasonable and it does not make you a horrible person at all! You just want your dad to put in the effort to talk to you and see you, instead of leaving it all up to you to contact him. What you want is fair, and I don't think it would be too much of a problem to talk to him about it.

I think you should try contacting your dad and see if you can meet to discuss this. Try meeting at a public place, like at a restaurant or at a park, and ask for it just to be with him. Let him know that you would really like him to phone you and see you without you having to call him first. See if there is anything going on in his life that is hindering him phoning you and just ask him to put in a conscious effort.

It's really important that you listen to what your dad has to say too. It could be that he never got your message or just assumed you were too busy with work to get together. Let him know that you want to make time to see him, but he needs to make some time too.

I understand that you don't like the lady he is with, and that's perfectly fine and it sounds like you have reason to, but you don't need to see her every time you see him. Try to meet your dad at other places instead of at home if you don't want to come across this lady. If your dad does invite you to his place when she is there, then it's probably just best to put up with it, but don't let that be the only time you see him. You don't need to let this lady be a part of your life if you don't want to, but don't let her come between you seeing your dad.

Take care.
Nat.


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