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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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priss88c Offline
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Is this really self-centered on my part? - November 14th 2009, 08:36 PM

I recently had an argument with a friend, or someone who I thought was a friend, and ever since then I've been contemplating this problem.

I am aware of the fact that when you have problems there are certain people who are willing to help, and certain others who do not really help all that much. I concede that in my case I might've just gone to the wrong person to rant, and that's a mistake on my part.

However, is that self-centered?
Because after I ranted for a bit, my friend said "Okay, you're not going to do anything about your problem; you're just complaining. I feel like I've wasted my time listening to you. It's not like I'm okay with people bitching at me, you know?" (Well, I don't know how he defines bitching, but seriously I was just ranting; it wasn't like I blamed him for causing my problems or accused him of doing something he did not do). I got confused, and said that "but...I thought friends are supposed to support to each other. I'm sorry you feel this way, but I thought you'd be a little more understanding...I'd certainly listen to you and support you if we switch roles today." Well, he termed that as self-centered; he said that basically what I'm advocating is that my friends should all listen to me if I have to rant. He accused me of not considering my friends' feelings when I rant; mainly, his point is that not everybody likes to hear others "bitch about things" and I can't do "whatever I want" just because I am friends with the person.

I'm confused....
I mean I get the part where some people don't like to hear others complain, but is that my problem, or the listener's problem? or both?
Is this really self-centered on my part to ask my friends to hear my problem out?
   
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Re: Is this really self-centered on my part? - November 14th 2009, 10:02 PM

I don't think you were self-centered, just that you chose the wrong person to rant to. And it's kinda both your problems ... yours because you may now have upset a friendship, and his because A LOT of friends are gonna rant at him over the years and he has to learn to put up with that at some point ... or at least not be quite as rude about not liking it.
I think maybe you need to find a select few people that you KNOW you can go to to rant, and stick with them. Chances are they'll need to rant at you at some point too


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Re: Is this really self-centered on my part? - November 15th 2009, 05:40 AM

I can see getting a wee bit annoyed if the friend rants daily about the same thing and refuses to accept any help.
However, I don't think that is what you were doing.
Friends rant to one another, its pretty normal. If you couldn't rant to your pals then you would have to keep it in which is not healthy.
I guess you just chose the wrong guy to rant to. Maybe he had just had a very bad day that day? I would just rant to somebody else, somebody you know is going to be supportive.
So no, you weren't being self-centered.
G'luck with this guy and sorting out this thing.
Aly


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