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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My my can't accept the fact that I don't want kids. - November 16th 2009, 11:53 AM

At 17, I decided I never wanted kids.

Before I made that decision, when I thought about my future, everything I really wanted to do had to happen BEFORE i had kids. When I realized I didn't HAVE to have them, I was honestly relieved. I mean, if other people want kids, go for it! I hope they have tons of fun with them.

I simply don't want them. I like kids, I have the whole maternal instinct thing, just not the desire. I just can't seem myself ever having kids. I see myself working with animals for the rest of my life.

And my mom cannot accept this. She refuses. She claims I've been influenced into it, since I am part of a childfree commuity on the internet, and that I will change my mind. Then she goes on to discuss the horrors of pregnancy and labor like it will change my mind to hear about it.

She completely refuses to believe me. I've stated on more than one occasion, she will not be getting grandkids from me. But she is determined to have big family get-togethers and talks about how many kids me and my future-husband will have, what we'll teach them, etc. Yes, she would have big get-togethers on the holdays and see them once or twice a week, but I would have them ALL the time and I don't want them!

I've finally just gotten to the point when she brings it up, I just smile and nod. She will never accept the fact I don't want kids...

ETA: This post was supposed to be titled "My mom can't accept the fact I don't want kids."
   
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Re: My my can't accept the fact that I don't want kids. - November 16th 2009, 12:50 PM

Hi Bethany,

I'm sorry your mum isn't accepting your decision. I don't want kids either, and I know it can be so frustrating to be told that you'll change your mind when you're older or when your friends start having children. I think it's difficult for parents to accept that they are going to have to consider the possibility of not having grandchildren, and that it's not actually their decision whether they get them or not - it's not something that's within their control, and I imagine that might be hard to accept.

It's your decision whether or not you want kids. I'm sorry that your mum isn't accepting this; it sounds like you've tried talking to her already, but when she brings it up would you perhaps consider saying something along the lines of 'I know you want me to have children one day, and I don't want to. I don't want to argue with you about it' and suggest something else to talk about? That way she will know that you've heard her point of view, without you having to swallow yours in the process.

Take care.
   
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Re: My my can't accept the fact that I don't want kids. - November 23rd 2009, 07:08 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethany View Post
I've finally just gotten to the point when she brings it up, I just smile and nod. She will never accept the fact I don't want kids...
That's all you can do. She's not going to like your decision but I think in time, she'll have to accept it. Even though she can't make you have kids, try to see her point of view, the fact that she would love to have grandkids. (Do you have other siblings? If so, it might be a little easier than if you are the only child). I personally want to have kids, but I applaud your decision and sticking by it. It would be a shame to bring a child into the world that is not as wanted as other kids. If you're going to have a child, YOU, above all, should make the decision, not another person. Plus, who knows? maybe in the future, you might change your mind.
   
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Re: My my can't accept the fact that I don't want kids. - November 25th 2009, 10:53 PM

well there's always a chance that you might change your mind later on in life, but if you're pretty set on the fact that you don't want kids i don't see anything wrong with that. it's not really your mums place to say whether or not you should have kids in the future. it seems like a bit of a ridiculous thing for your mum to be getting upset about though.. i mean you are only 18.


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