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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Army Boys - November 19th 2009, 11:24 PM

My boyfriend AND my best friend (who used to be my boyfriend LONG story) both want to join the army. Sorry, both ARE joining the army. One to the U.S. Marine Corps Marines (my boyfriend) and one to the Canadian Armed Forces(my best friend). And I love them both so much and as of right now there aren't any solid plans because they're both still 16. It's grade 11, and I know people can change their mind about what they want to do in life and maybe I'm premature in my worrying but they seem so set in their decisions.
It intensely worries me... I don't want anything to happen to them.
The event that brought this all up is my boyfriends friend, age 20, was in the Army and last week my boyfriend got a call saying that he should go down to Detroit to see his friend who was in the hospital there and he got there and his friend had no legs... None. They were gone, amputated. And he was so shocked and he was telling me about this and saying how he'd hate to have to live like that. And my best friend said that he'd sincerely consider killing himself if that was him... Then on Sunday, once they'd left Detroit, he got another call. His friend was dead. Internal bleeding or something.
Dead.
At 20.
And it affected my boyfriend so much because this was his friend, a really close friend... and it affected me because what if one day it's me getting one of those phone calls.
I would hate it if it were me.
I don't know what I'd do...
If either of them died or was injured in any way... god... I feel like crying just thinking about it because I love them so much and never want anything bad to happen to them...
Anyways.
I just needed to let that out...

Does anyone have any friends/significant others/family in the army?
How did you handle it?


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Re: Army Boys - November 20th 2009, 12:19 AM

Hi Kate,

I don't have a family member in the army but one of my friends just applied to Royal Military College. I know that when people think of the army the first thing they jump to is the negative connotations and the possibility of the people close to them getting injured. I'm in the same boat as you- the last thing I want to hear is that one of my friends is severely injured or has died.

What I think you should suggest to your friend- especially the one going into the Canadian Armed Forces (because that is the one I know about and can give suggestions on)- is that they should check out the courses and requirements of the program they are entering. I know the program that my friend is going into is one that she would need to pay for, but she does not need to serve time away. I was surprised to hear this, but from what I understand, most people choose the other option in which they go away after finishing school to serve for a few years. Most people choose this because it's basically a free education if you get in, but the other program might be a better option if they can afford it.

What I suggest they do is research the programs and find a safe way to do this. It might require an essay and maybe applying for scholarships to help them with school, but I think it is a good way to serve, but not be at a high risk.

On the other hand if this is something they really are set on doing, then I don't think you'll be able to change their minds. In that case, I understand that it's hard to deal with, but it would be best to be supportive. They are still your friends, and hopefully everything will go well for them. Sure it's a dangerous job, but it's not the only dangerous job out there. If they want to serve and support their country in that way, then all the power to them.

I know this is tough, but I'm really glad you were able to write it down and get the feelings out. You don't need to keep how you are feeling all bunched inside. Talking about this can really help, and we'll always be here if you want to talk when your friend and boyfriend are away.

Take care, and feel free to message me any time.

Nat.


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