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Mason Offline
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Beat the shit outta me. - November 22nd 2009, 12:44 AM

My dad came home around 2am this morning drunk as fuck. I got in alil before and hadn't went upstairs yet. He was falling all over. Broke half the shit on the counter. Then randomly picked up a kitchen chair and threw it into the living room. Then he spotted me and started running his mouth. He came at me and started choking me so I hit him in the head with the toaster that was on the counter and he punched me a few times after. I blacked out or something cuz I dont rem nothing after that. Last thing I rem is him punching me in the face. I woke up a few hours later on the kitchen floor. Just went upstairs and back to bed. My face is fucked right up. I have two black eyes and my lip is split and the left side of my face is red and swollen. He was down stairs about an hour ago when I came home. He just looked at me and smiled. Didn't say nothing and went in the living room to watch tv. He fucking smiled. He has a cut on the side of his face where I hit him with the toaster but that's it. Im all fucked up. How long is it going to take my face to heal. The fucking prick smiles. I hate the fucker more and more everyday.
   
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Re: Beat the shit outta me. - November 22nd 2009, 09:06 AM

Hi Mason!!

I am so sorry about all of that. Shame on your dad for failing so miserably at being a decent, caring and loving father for you. And being drunk is not an excuse. It may be a reason for his extremely inappropriate behavior. But a reason is not always an excuse. And in this case - a reason is most definitely NOT an excuse.

I understand how it makes you feel when you see your dad smile. MY dad was an emotionally abusive alcoholic. His 'weapon' was his words. And that often included the threat of physical harm. After an 'evening' of having to endure his rantings and ravings and having to listen to him tell me - once again - how I have failed to live up to his expectations - the next morning would come - and HE would be reasonable, polite and nice. [As he sat there doing his stupid crossword puzzle] He had little to no memory of what he said the night before. And that went on for years and years and years. That's not as bad as actually being punched in the face? No. It's not. But it felt pretty bad to me. It was those 'smiles' and that 'next-day' reasonableness that drove me nuts. For that always made me question the reality of MY memory of the 'night before'. "How could he NOT remember?", I'd always ask myself. "Was it as bad as I thought?" - And so on. Then - soon after he got home from work - it would start all over again. And not just to me - but to my mom and 2 older brothers. But mostly me - because I was the 'dutiful son' who loved his dad and wanted him to love me. So I put up with a LOT - in the hopes of him - some day - changing for the better. It never happened. Oh sure - there would be some days where he was OK. But I soon began to even hate those days. And I say that because it only made me realize what it was that I was missing. And ON those days - I often made the mistake of confiding something in him - that he would use against me the next time he got drunk.

My dad has been dead for over 16 years and I am STILL dealing with him - STILL trying to get him out of my head. And STILL trying to keep him from having an effect on how I feel about myself.

It is very important for YOU to realize that your dad has a major problem. Your response to that might be, "Well duh!!" But it's important to always keep that fact in mind and not allow who HE has become to become a blueprint for how YOU are going to end up. Your anger at your dad has little to no effect on HIM. But it sure does effect YOU. And although your anger is perfectly justified - it's still something that will destroy you in the end - IF YOU LET IT. In my family - my second oldest brother was the one who was the MOST angry at our dad. And he is the one who ended up being just like him. So you can see why I'm warning you. [At least I hope you can see] One of the most difficult things to do in the world is to NOT let the most destructive people in our lives to end up destroying us. And simply vowing not to be 'like them' isn't good enough. Oh sure - it's a good start. But the determination to be unlike someone can't begin and end with a declaration. We have to KNOW what it is that we do not want to become. And based on what I already know about your dad - it seems obvious to me that HE has a lot of anger issues and is unable to deal with that anger in a more constructive way. And who knows - maybe his dad was the same with him as he is with you. So unless you want to become the next link in that family 'tradition' - you're going to have to refuse the baton and vow to forge your own path. Not out of anger or even out of fear. But just because it is your right to do so. And given the fact that your dad [Just like MY dad] were at the most awful when drunk - you should never drink. That's why I don't drink. I don't want to find out the next day that I was horrible to someone - and I can't remember it. Oh what a hypocrite I would be if I did that. AND I would lose my right to be upset with what my dad did to ME - IF I did end up doing the exact same thing.

Well anyways... this is already a long enough reply. IF you want to talk more about it - reply to this message and/or pm me. Just don't convince yourself that you have no one to talk to.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!
   
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Re: Beat the shit outta me. - November 22nd 2009, 03:39 PM

I just dont know what made him snap. We have never had a good relationship. After my mom died when I was nine we just didn't talk. At all. I had to take care of myself and he worked all the time, after awhile we were two strangers. Fine by me I don't need him anyways. He has never laid a hand on me before this. Never even bothered to talk to me. We really haven't had a converstation in about 3 years. Then he comes home drunk and beats the shit outta me. I thought he was at work or something. All he said to me since it happened was "You better stay in this fucking house till your face heals, I'm not dealing with this shit." And I said "Maybe ya shouldn't have fucked my face up to begin with" and he just smiled and gave me a smack in the face. Not a really hard one. So I dont know what the hell that was all about. I think he is going crazy.
   
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Re: Beat the shit outta me. - November 23rd 2009, 09:24 PM

Is this the first time he's gotten drunk? If so, it's a result of the alcohol and if he continues to drink and come home like this you should definitely check what your options are - foster care, emancipating yourself, or going to live with a friend until he stops drinking and becomes stable again.
   
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