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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Mum ruining my social life - November 28th 2009, 05:05 AM

Im 16 and from Australia.

Well my life has pretty much been full of fear. I've always done things the way my mum wants it to go and now I've had enough. She thinks its good that she doesn't let me out of the house, but infact its driving me insane now. I've been out once and i really had fun (going out in Australian teenager talk is like drinking, hanging out, parties)

Since i was 10, I've just sat on the computer everyday. My mum is a total trainwreck, she whines and cries over nothing. Shes always saying my friends are bad and always comes to conclusions. She brainwashes my other family members to think I have bad friends. For many years shes tried to highlight that I have a "attitude"

She keeps comparing my cousins to me because they are very educated and are nurses and teachers and the fact that i dont really excell at school. We fight daily, its always her getting angry first.

I mean, shes a good mother, she doesnt work so we have a nice house, she cooks, cleans, does all the washing, shopping etc..

but its the fact she never lets me out, if i have a genre of music she doesnt like she will whine and cry and do everything in her power to stop me from listening to it. She even told me "if you are doing something and i dont like it i will stop it" I took up surfing, got all the gear, but she refused to take me to the beach and always complained about it so i had to quit.
My dad works overseas and my mum just found out he has a girlfriend over there and he wants to stay there, i don't care, he can do what he wants, my mum deserves it coz of the way shes treated me these last years, shes always trying to make it hard for me to hang out with my friends, its a big deal just to try and go out, a big long argument which usually ends up with me not being able to go. My friends don't even invite me anywhere because they know i wont be allowed, and its humiliating for me.

Ive never had a girlfriend, yet even talked to any girls. Im not physically ugly (sorry to boast) but i find myself pretty attractive, i don't try to be a loser who sits at home, i know whats going on outside my house, but everything is so out of reach for me.

What really hit close to home was there's this girl I've been talking to over MSN and shes really cute and all, and she was somehow with my friends in front of our school, which i live literally half a kilometre away, and if i was allowed out, i could of met her.

What can I do?
   
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Re: Mum ruining my social life - November 28th 2009, 05:12 AM

have a serious conversation with her. let her know how you feel. but dont let things get out of control.
my parents and i were the same way.
there's just certain walls you both have to break through together.
i kept complaining to them,letting them see and know that im not bad and i dont intend to.
but locking me inside will only lead me to a failure once i do leave.
its hard. and at times extremely frustrating.
im going to be 18 in a few months and they make it very hard to go anywhere.
it use to be a trivia game just to go out my front door.
but eventually you both grow out of it..
you both find that you cant protect and stick on each other like you might want to.
maybe something happened and your mother feels as if you do leave you'll become someone that she thinks will hurt you rather then help you..
many mothers act differently when they feel like the must protect you and keep you pure and innocent as their little boy or girl..



   
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Re: Mum ruining my social life - November 28th 2009, 05:34 AM

thanks for the reply, except me and my mum dont get along, i mean we havent spoken to eachother for a few months, like i dont say "hi" or "good morning/night" or even say "thankyou"

my friends came over before an exam and she complained to them about me not talking to her and she told them all this private stuff which was embarassing and my friends were telling me to say sorry but i dont want to coz they dont know the real her.
   
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Re: Mum ruining my social life - November 28th 2009, 07:42 PM

oh im sorry. . .
have you tried confronting her about the situation
and how you feel??
i dont want to tell you that you dont have to deal with this,
because you really dont, but i deff dont want to create more problems. . . .



   
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Re: Mum ruining my social life - November 29th 2009, 01:17 AM

yeah she knows about this situation but she keeps trying to discourage me from hanging out with my friends because she keeps saying their bad and comes to quick conclusions, like one of my friends had a different uniform on then everyone else, so she thought he was doing something bad, and another had a septum piercing, so she doesn't want me hanging out with him

she really admires my brother and his friends, there girls but they are more conservative and more family-orientated people and they don't drink,smoke etc.

And I cant really make new friends, because I'm not into any sport or anything outgoing

My whole life I've been misunderstood

Does she think its gonna make me a better person by stopping me from doing things, Does she think I'm gonna thank her in the end?

pfffffft its just filled me full of hate for her

Last edited by samy; November 29th 2009 at 01:27 AM.
   
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Re: Mum ruining my social life - November 29th 2009, 07:16 PM

im the type of person that always does what i want no matter what.
i love the idea of going against the norm. and you mother should welcome whatever you want.. or whoever you want to become..
you friends are your friends,not hers, whether they have a negative or positive effect..
it doesnt matter.....
you have to learn from it all.. im pretty sure you're very mature to understand whats right from wrong,where you stand and what you shouldnt or should be doing.
if you feel that your innerself is smart and well rounded, do what you want. be with your friends.
you dont need or have to get your mother's approval for everything under the sun.
you are you, and she should let you morph into whatever it is that makes you comfortable, what makes you happy...
..personally, i feel as if parents should never have a say in which friends you're with
unless its a complete hazard or to some dangerous extent.....



   
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