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timeless Offline
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openness - December 15th 2009, 01:04 AM

When your upset and something devastating who is the first person you would tell?

Everyone seems to have that one friend but I cant think of anyone. I have friends but none have that important feeling to them. I feel like all my friends are superficial and they are only looking for the next best thing. If im happy and want to do something fun theres lots of people, but there is never the one person to pick up the crap.

Is it me? I think so. I have never opened up to anyone but my parents, I havent cried in front of anyone in YEARS, literally. Is that abnormal? What is abnormal. I feel like close friendship is rare and hard to find. Everyone is to preoccupied in their own lives lately to focus on each other. Even if i have a friend im afraid I wouldnt be able to open up to them, that my problems annoy them or that im too negative. I pretend to be happy all the time.

I know the common response; find new friends, meet new people, get out there. I am. But I feel like im the problem.
   
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Re: openness - December 15th 2009, 08:44 AM

I'd say the first person I would tell is my sister, but it still doesn't really feel the same because she lives far away. I was just thinking today about how I don't have that person either. I always wish I could just walk to someone's house and pour my heart out, but similar to you, I would feel like an annoyance. Maybe you could try opening up a bit to a certain friend that you feel isn't as superficial as the others? Test out the waters, I guess.

I don't think you would be the problem, unless the issues you're having are way too intense and some people just don't feel fit to handle them.
   
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Re: openness - December 15th 2009, 09:47 AM

I know people who beg for attention and talk about their problems all the time, and people who keep it all quiet and always seem happy, and I'm the second one. I used to think that I would be bothering others and I don't like doing that, but not telling anyone makes everything bottle up inside until it all explodes and you have a breakdown. You may not need to find a new friend, you probably already have one that can be trusted with anything, but the problem is not telling them. You might not want to bother them or feel like you can't trust them, but people do care.

Why not test the waters by bringing up something on your mind as a point of discussion, not saying that you have a problem, but ask them what they think of it. Sometimes that gives you a good solution, and can lead to you getting it off your chest.

The main thing in friendship is trust, so start to trust your friends and believe that they will care about you. Even if some don't want to know, there will be some that will want to help, so talk to them.

I hope this rambling helps
   
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Re: openness - December 18th 2009, 12:48 AM

Hi there,

I don't think how you are feeling right now is abnormal at all. Some people are intimate with their friends and like to talk about everything going on in their lives, but others just don't. You don't need to cry in front of your friends and tell them everything for them to be good friends. If you don't want to talk to them about certain things, then you don't have to.

If you do feel like getting things off your chest and want to talk to a friend instead of someone in your family, then try approaching one of your friends and just let them know you need to talk about something. I think sometimes people surprise us with just how serious they can be, and this might be a chance to see something more in your friends than just people you can have fun with. They might be going through similar problems and could really help you out.

If you're used to talking to your family about important things, then you can always turn to them as an option. You don't need to just choose one group to talk to, and could talk to both if you would like. Remember that you have people there for you both as family and friends.

I don't think you're the problem at all. You just need to decide whether what you're going through is something that you want to discuss with friends or family. Don't worry about people judging you. No one is perfect, and you do have people to support you.

Take care.
Nat.


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