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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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vgurl02 Offline
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Unhappy Best Friend Trouble...she doesnt like my bf or me!! - December 16th 2009, 05:44 AM

Sort of long!!...Iv been friends with my friend Elisa since the second grade..literally...and weve been best friends since...We are now both 18 so you can say it has been a successfull relationship up untill i got with my boyfriend 3 years ago. We had an incident where she told me i was spending to much time with him only when we were about 6 or 7 months into our relationship. But we resolved it and it ended. We used to be inseperable, and sisters at heart but then as time went on that changed. She had a boyfriend and so did i. We did double dates and went out together from time to time and everything was great for about 2 yrs after that untill her and her boyfriend broke up. When her and her boyfriend were together she never really had much time for me although i would always be knocking on her door. Finally i just gave up and went on with my life with my bf and my family and still talked to her when she had time for me. Now that shes single she texts me all the time and tells me if i wanna go out to the movies and being a full time student in college im always busy and doing stuff..i have a life too....so one day she got mad and told me that "id rather hang out with my boyfriend".."that i never have time for her"..." that i am not my own person"...."that i cant see what its doing to me"... "that im destructive to everyone around me"...."and that i deserve better becasue she KNOWS (somehow) my boyfriend doesnt make me happy". I happen to lovemy life so I proceeded to tell her she was insane for thinking this and we have not talked the same since...we have hung out but to be honest i dont really want to. She texted me earlier and asked me what i was doing and i am busy so i told her. She never texted back...She just wont stop bugging and she expects me to put my life on hold for her all the time. So i guess my question is...did i handle it right? should i give into her? was it right of her to do that and say those things to me? I need thoughts on this...thank you


"If you follow the crowd, you might get lost in it"
   
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Re: Best Friend Trouble...she doesnt like my bf or me!! - December 16th 2009, 06:30 PM

I think you handled it quite well. You've been polite and firm, tried to tell her, and she needs to know that she can't just come in and out of your life when she feels like it. And as for what she said, she was probably angry, but some of those comments sound like she's having a tantrum and is trying to make you feel bad because 'you made her feel bad'. It's not nice for you and hurts you and your friendship, which it did. You told her right, and you're doing the right thing now. If she keeps bugging you, tell her that she can't just drop in and out of your life, and you can't drop your life whenever she calls you. If she can't accept that or ignores you then try and make it so you start to drift away as friends, whether that's not going out with her or ignoring her texts. It's seems rude and harsh but if you've tried everything else then thats all you can do.
   
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Re: Best Friend Trouble...she doesnt like my bf or me!! - December 17th 2009, 12:28 AM

You couldn't of handled it any better. Your friend is trying to tell you how you feel without even genuinely asking how you REALLY feel.

If she's willing to listen you can try explaining to her how you feel about your boyfriend and that you appreciate she's concerned. If she isn't willing to be supportive, there isn't much else you can do except keep the line of communication open. It isn't fair of her to keep trying to tell you how you feel. It's possible that maybe she's harboring some jealously or fear that she's going to lose you to your boyfriend. It sounds to me like she's upset she doesn't get to see you as much and finds it easier to blame him than attribute it to anything else going on.
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Re: Best Friend Trouble...she doesnt like my bf or me!! - December 17th 2009, 02:08 AM

I think you handled it to the best of your ability, and very well, and that's all that anyone can ask of you.
I think that your friend just felt a bit left out. Before, it was the four of you. Now that she no longer has a boyfriend, it's three, and three is always a crowd. Someone always ends up feeling left out, no matter how you try to manage your time well.

My only suggestion is to try to talk it out with her. make time to talk with her, try to resolve this issue. if it continues, with no end in sight, and you can't seem to satisfy her, no matter what...then you may just need a break from her. the relationship doesn't have to completely end, but you may just need time away from one another.

That's all i can say at the moment...Good luck. *e-hugs*
   
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