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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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immature, stereotype teenage guy - December 17th 2009, 07:34 PM

you know how they get. full of themselves, blinded by their own self-fabricated importance, obnoxious, fatuous...and it is absolutely, inhumanly impossible to win an argument with them.

so here's the lowdown. i had an argument with a stereotype-immature-teenage-guy "friend" of mine.

there were four of us there, but only three took part in the argument. me, friend Obnoxious, and friend Reasonable.
both have their moments, but today Obnoxious was in one of those moods where he just doesn't listen to anyone about anything that contradicts with his own oh-so-important opinion. i'd picked up on it and was avoiding conversation.
one of my friends, a very camp, openly gay guy, was with a group of his own mates on the other side of the foyer. he was laughing pretty loud, and Obnoxious was irritated and muttered a few homophobic insults under his breath. i could see Reasonable watching me, waiting for my reaction, because he knows that i'm bisexual and strongly opposed to homophobia.
so anyway, i don't confront it, because i know the mood he's in.
and somehow, the topic of same-sex couples comes up in our conversation, which develops into whether or not they should be allowed kids.
it was me vs. the other two, but that's not the point. the point: Reasonable presented his arguments sensibly, with well-made points and a sustained argument (hence the nickname). Obnoxious insisted throughout that it was “wrong”, “disgusting”, and “should be banned”. i tried to ignore him for the most part, but his words cut deep.

for those that want a bit more detail:
Issues raised (by Reasonable) were that the child might find it disorientating if he (assuming for convenience) had memories of his biological, straight parents. Also, that the child would be bullied, and that the lack of masculine/feminine – depending on the sex of the couple – influences would alter the child. I combated the first with that it would depend on how he was raised beforehand and that he could learn, the second with if someone wants to bully you they can find a lot more than just your parents, and the third with the point there would be other influences in the child’s life other than the parents, e.g., relatives, teachers, friends.
Obnoxious’s interjections included several prejudiced downright insults, the proclamation that Obama would ban it, and when the Queen died, Prince Albert would ban it, and also that (when asked outright by me) he would rather a child was abused in a household with opposite-sex parents than loved and cared for in a same-sex home. Plus, I asked him, “So if I married a woman you would be against me having kids at all?”, to which he unhesitatingly replied, yes. To my face. And the fact that me marrying a woman is a viable possibility added insult to injury.

the question is: how do i make him understand that he's really hurt me?
at the moment i'm not speaking to him, not in an obvious way, but i'm being cordial and minimal in communication. i won't meet his eye. i won't laugh at his jokes. i won't have a conversation.
he's treating me like nothing's happened and i'm acting normal, except for the fact that he does talk to me less.
i don't want to lose him altogether as a friend, but i don't want him to think i'm going to forgive him either. i know he is homophobic now, and i'm not in any kind of mood to confront that, because i know how defensive he'll get.
it's hard to keep blanking him, but i'll try my best.

r&r xx


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Re: immature, stereotype teenage guy - December 18th 2009, 03:10 PM

He doesn't sound like the type that will understand anything really. He doesn't really sound like a nice guy to be around. you've got Reasonable, that's what matters. Try spending as little time away from Obnoxious, see if you feel better without him. If you do, you know what has to be done...good luck.
   
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Re: immature, stereotype teenage guy - December 30th 2009, 08:41 PM

thanks...yeah, after christmas holidays i'll just treat him like an acquaintance, someone that can be a laugh but i wouldn't go to with anything serious...x


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