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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
alonealways Offline
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BEST friends? - December 21st 2009, 03:57 AM

I'm really frustrated right now.. and I'm not sure what to do. I have a friend (let's call her G) who declares I am her best friend and that's very nice of her but I just can't confide in her the way I do my other really close friends. I have ANOTHER friend (let's call her A) who I can confide in but she doesn't REALLY listen. My OTHER "best friend" has always been somebody I could confide in.. but she'd constantly complain about how she wasn't a good friend. She'd also whine and moan about stupid things and I would get annoyed because she was often ditzy and if something didn't effect me DIRECTLY and didn't hurt me in an INCREDIBLE way, she didn't care. The problem is.. all three of these friends still think they are my best and closest friends. I've been happier separating myself from them but they're starting to realize what I'm doing and they're trying to become closer.. and I don't know how to tell them no when I've always acted like everything was okay. Okay so I didn't really act, I thought it was okay. But now I have friends who let me talk to them and give me advice and help. It's an equal friendship still but they actually LISTEN to me.. unlike these friends. Do I tell them how I feel? Do I just keep separating myself from them? What do I do? ANY ADVICE APPRECIATED.

Oh.. and a few of them are becoming closer to my little sister. :/ So they kind of use that against me at times. Sorry this is long. Thanks!

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Re: BEST friends? - December 21st 2009, 01:48 PM

To be honest, ignoring the situation and trying to drift away is not the best solution and will be probably cause a tense relationship between you and these friends.

The best advice i can give you is to meet up with them sit them down and explain how you feel.. i wouldnt mention the good listening friends as it may hurt their feelings... i would just explain the effect they have on you and tell them that is why you have been trying to distance yourself..

they could either change and you could have a better relationship with them, or you could go seperate ways easier


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Re: BEST friends? - December 21st 2009, 06:49 PM

Hi there,

It does sound like you're in a frustrating situation, but I think that Gabby has some really good advice with what to do. Distancing yourself from your friends wont solve the problem, and them trying to get closer to you is just showing how much they want to keep the friendship going. I know that they don't listen very well, but keeping them in the dark about it wont help them solve the problem.

Sit down with your friends and be honest. Try explaining to them how you feel and that you aren't always comfortable confiding things in them. The important thing to emphasize is that you want to keep them as friends and work this out. They sound like good people and good friends, even if you would like them to listen more. If you explain that you just need some time to talk with them and would like them to take what you say seriously, I'm sure they'd give it a chance.

I hope you are able to work this out.

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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: BEST friends? - December 23rd 2009, 05:45 PM

Keep G. Because she seems to be a good person. If she is a good person, keep her if not tell her. For A, if she doesn't listen don't confide in her. Keep friends with her if you want to but if she doesn't listen don't confide in her, just friends but not best friends. For the other girl who you said was ditzy, don't call her your best friend if she doesn't act as your best friend. So don't tell her stuff which are personal that she'll end up brushing away.

Well, i suggest you test them. To see if they really have changed their habits so that they could truly be your best friends. If they just act as true friends to keep you, I say separate but don't sever. By that I mean, just be friends but not best friends. And also don't let them bring your little sister into this. If they use that against you, then they are not true friends.
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emma01 Offline
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Re: BEST friends? - December 26th 2009, 03:11 AM

Well they obviously all do like you, and I think its best if you keep all of them as close friends, but just not you "best friends." If you need to tell someone something in confidence, tell your real best friends who will listen, dont confide in G. With A, just keep her as a friend, but dont tel her about issues because if she doesnt listen, shes not worth it and dont waste your breath. With the 3rd girl, if you think she is a good friend, tell her, and if she keeps going on just say something like "I think your a good friend and thats what matters stop going on about it.." or just something 'short and sharp' (so thats quick and straight to the point) and if something is bothering you, dont go to her.
So I still think you should keep them as friends, you can tell them how you feel if you want to, thats not a bad idea, but if you have any problems, take them to the friends that you can confide in and trust, that will listen, and that you consider your best friends!
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