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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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thisiscourtney Offline
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Do I have the right? - January 2nd 2010, 03:21 AM

Yes, I know I'm only 16. But my family is taking in my 21-year-old cousin who has two kids; a 3-year-old and 1-month-old. She doesn't have a job, so she has no income, which is why she's coming to live with us. The 3-year-old is mentally challenged due to neglect, and right now the 1-month-old is deaf, which may or may not be a result of drug use during pregnancy. My mom asked me if I would be fine with it and I said no. My dad said no because he doesn't want her cheating boyfriend (who she constantly goes back to) to think it would be okay for him to live with us as well.

The worst is that she doesn't see anything wrong with the situation. She even said she was planning on having more children within the year. It makes me feel selfish to think she doesn't deserve to live in our house, but really I believe that a person's choices are their own and she ignored everyone when we encouraged her to stay in high school and break up with her boyfriend. Is it reasonable for me to feel this way? I honestly want to move out because they would be taking the bedroom right next to mine and we already struggle enough with money as it is.
   
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losing touch. Offline
oh, really?..
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Re: Do I have the right? - January 2nd 2010, 03:50 AM

i don't think you're selfish for thinking this, at all. my older brother went through a stage of drug-use and he got a girl pregnant and loads of other stuff.. and my parents refused to chuck him out. my mum would always give him "one last chance" and every time he ended up breaking his promises and every time my mum would forgive him. i got so annoyed because he was tearing my family apart but my mum seemed to think that most of it wasn't his fault. he's since turned his life around [well - not entirely, but he's getting there.] but i remember how angry i felt during the whole situation because i thought that my parents shouldn't allow him to keep taking advantage of them and their money.

talk to your mum about how you feel - it seems like your dad is on your side here, also.. so maybe get him to speak to her with you?.

if your cousin doesn't come and live with you, where would she go? because obviously however much you don't want her living with you, she is family and you can't leave her homeless.


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Re: Do I have the right? - January 2nd 2010, 08:41 AM

I dont think you are at all selfish, in fact when you think about it I would say the reason you dont want her to move in is because you dont want to see your family hurt by her. She cant let other people carry her all her life, having another kid is ridiculous at this point and would be very bad for the new child and the children she has now - and her saying she wants this proves how irresponsible she is. You are worried about your family and it sounds like you have good reason - thats not selfish.
   
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Re: Do I have the right? - January 3rd 2010, 05:06 PM

Hi Courtney,

I don't think you're being selfish. It's understandable that you are concerned with the behaviour of your cousin and the issues your family is having with money without supporting three more people, and I think it's fair that you have some say in the matter. Your parents asked how you felt about it for a reason, and they should take some time to consider what you have to say.

Sit down with your parents and outline your concerns. Let them know why you are worried and that you don't think that this is the best thing to do right now. If your parents are adamant about letting your cousin stay, then they need to set some rules. Maybe they can tell her that she needs to get at least a part time job to help out, or maybe she can do some work around the house like cooking or cleaning. Your parents could also say that if she wants to have another child, then she needs to have her own place and way of supporting them.

The best thing to do is to talk to your parents and let them know how you feel about this. What it comes down to is it is their house and they have the final say.

I hope things work out for you.
Take care.

Nat.


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Re: Do I have the right? - January 3rd 2010, 05:48 PM

Nat said it well and clear.
   
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