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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Forgiveness - January 2nd 2010, 10:55 PM

Soo earlier today I was thinking about one of my friends, who used to be a really close friend til various shit happened and we were never the same again. And I realised I still haven't forgiven her for stuff she did years ago.. its not like I've ever told her how much this upset me so its not like she ever apologised. But I was just wondering.. do you think there are things that its ok not to forgive? Or do you think I'm being ridiculous remembering details of a conversation we had about 5 years ago?

Back story: When my parents split up I was gutted- I didn't see it coming and it felt like the world was falling apart. I guess I'm ok with it now but it took at least 3 years to stop hating my dad. Aanyway when this happened I told my 3 closest friends. Two of them were sympathetic, but the third basically ignored it and asked me to go to the cinema with her to 'catch up on all the goss' or something along those lines. This was probably about the last thing I wanted to do, and I can't actually remember if I went or not but anyway thats irrelevant. It just upset me so much because she'd had family issues/an eating disorder herself and I'd tried so hard to be there for her, and when I was upset she didn't seem to care at all.
Its not like I hate her, we still socialise within a larger group but stuff she does irritates me and we've never been as close.
   
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Re: Forgiveness - January 3rd 2010, 01:04 AM

I would forgive her. People change, especially from about 14-19 (assuming she was the same age as you). I think you're overreacting a bit, maybe she was just having a bad day? Maybe she was dealing with her own problems and wouldn't have been able to handle the stresses of helping another person with their's at the same time? Maybe she thought that going to the movies and talking about something else would help you forget the problems with your parents?

You have to try and think of her side of the story. You two were obviously friends for a reason, close enough for her to be considered one of your three closest at that. You should think of the good times instead of dwelling on the bad. In terms of reasons for people losing touch yours is pretty low on the list, no offense but it really does seem like something very small got blown way out of proportion.

I'd forgive her and give her another chance. It would be a shame to lose out on what seems could be a good friendship because of one conversation five years ago.


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Re: Forgiveness - January 3rd 2010, 10:28 PM

I don't think we've exactly lost out on our friendship.. we're still friends just it's never quite been the same. And its not the only thing she did, but I think its the thing that hit me hardest. We've grown apart for various reasons.
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Maybe she was dealing with her own problems and wouldn't have been able to handle the stresses of helping another person with their's at the same time?
I think its more that, at that age she was incapable of realising anyone else HAD problems. Butt never mind, I'm not going to argue with you about it.
   
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Re: Forgiveness - January 3rd 2010, 11:49 PM

If someone hurts us deeply it can be hard to forgive. It's not healthy to hold grudges, especially if you two were best friends. It's sad to see what could of been a good relationship because of a fight that happened when you where young and maybe inmature.
Invite her to a coffee and explain to her, let her give you her side of the story, maybe she didn't realize you didn't want to go to the movies and needed her support.
Good Luck.!


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