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ATR_rules Offline
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Age: 32
Gender: Male
Location: AZ

Posts: 15
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Saving a broken girl - January 10th 2010, 10:46 AM

I have been away from home for 4 years and I have not kept touch with this girl I used to be very close with. I live in IL, USA but she lives in Singapore. In that span of 4 years, I started to develop feelings for her, which was weird cuz i always felt that we just had a platonic relationship. I got really depressed because I could not have a deep connection with anyone when i lived IL and i thought that she was the only person that gets me and i love her so much that i was scared to get close with her as she was going to a rough patch for many years, yet she was strong and determined.

4 years later, we met and just talked for 3 hours. it felt great talking to her after so long and i told her what she meant to me and she said that i was her close friend as well. after she told me everything that was going on with her life, i became shocked and i started feeling sympathetic for her, cuz she was being screwed over by her own mother, her ex, and basically the education system (i was lucky to get away to the US for studies). She dropped out of school cuz she was not able to afford it as she was working but not getting paid well cuz of her credentials. She cant get back to school cuz of the social stigmata and how the education system does not allow 2nd chances is bs. but the messed up part was that her mother who was making decent money spent hundred grand on a car for her older brother who is only 21 (cars are expensive in Singapore). She was repeatedly cheated by her ex and she got pregnant somehow. She had an abortion a year ago so she got really depressed (she understands the side effects well and why she is feeling that way). She switched around jobs and moved back to live with her parents. She works for her selfish mum and she is getting paid way less than before.

I started feeling sad for her, I couldn say anything when she smoked 8 cigarrettes in the span of 3 hours. I wanted to say that she should stop smoking cuz she is really addicted to it. She was so stressed out that she lost some hair. She lost so much weight and looks abit ill. She is seeing a couple of guys but not in love with them. She admits she was a slut, but i didn call her anything cuz she has a messy life and she is just looking for ways to vent her frustrations. I am not jealous but i just want to save her from hell. I love her so much that i look past her flaws and mistakes.

What to do I do? I was waiting 4 years to tell her I loved her, but now I am told all these things and I really dont know what to do. She helped me to find the light in darkness when i was a loner and she made me feel appreciated. she done so much for me and i thanked god for having her in my life. now i want to do her a favor back for what she done for me. I just want to hold her in my arms and tell her everything is fine and that I love her a lot. I know she does not feel the same way as I do, even when i was telling her how much i cared about her but i didn say that i had feelings for her yet. part of me wants to forget this girl and just move on with my near perfect life, a part of me wants to be by her side and support her in every way, even if she does not feel the same way as i do.

maybe i am just a nice guy that i am willing to do anything for anyone, if i feel loyal to them
   
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