Non-PG13 (Strong Language): My so called "friendship"

[The Kira]

So, I have posted threads about this before. My "friend", lets call her Riley, is being such a lousy friend...

First of all, she hates everyone! I am not even joking. She has no friends AT ALL besides me because everyone knows what her crap is about. And truly I am trying to be her friend. I am her only friend and if I were to take that away, what kind of a bitch would that make me?

You see, I am the kind of person who is very protective of my friends. I will get hurt, in trouble-whatever, to protect and help my friends because I am the kind of person who devoted themselves to a friendship 100%.
And as I have said before, Emily hates everyonr around her (in school at least). I have a lot of friends. And most of them are, excuse me, black. And when I kept seeing Emily making faces and shit when I am with my other friends, who are much important to me now then she is, cuz she is the crappiest friend you will ever have. So one time she tells me she hates black people. I was absoloutly shocked and angry because I HATE racists and you have to agree, that was it in everu way.

Also, me and emily have one class together and are in the same homeroom and so, in art, in which one of my closest friends Arianna also is, something happened. I have a notebook where I keep all of my poetry and art, quotes- a lot of important stuff. SO what happened was, I was working on the are project and my notebook was on the table next to me. Emily grabbed it and I didnt bring this to my attention. I was just doing my work and did not notice anything. SO what hapened was, Emily took a fat ass marker and fucked up every page by scribbling on it and writing a whole buch of bitch ass stuff and then she tried to make me think that Arianna did it. I know it wasnt cuz I would know Ari's handwriting anywhere (its real sloppy lol). I was so angry that i just blew my top in class in front of the teacher. I flung the notebook across the room. Before that she just stood there smiling a bitch smile. I hit her in the head and she was speachless. i just came up and ripped the whole thing in her face. and throught the ripped paper over her (Emily).

The next day she gives me huggy kissy teary sorries and I forgave her, but I'm still angry!!! I HATE THIS!!! I just dont want to be her friend! But I cant stand to see her stalking through the halls all alone...

WHAT DO I DO???????????????

[carrot]

to start, just an fyi, i think you may have blown your friends cover there by switching to her real name in the third paragraph there.. im not sure if thats an issue or not but just so you know =)

anyway, it sounds to me like you really need to have a talk with this girl. to start, i find you really commendable for feeling like you need tostick by her just becuase she has no one else.. sounds to me like you're a really great friend! "riley", however, seems to have some major issues. and i completely get you on this isse.. i too have quite a few "friends" like this, none have actually gone so far as to damage my personal belongings and try to turn me against my other friends, but they are definately.. annoying, to put it quite lightly. now, the thing is, its really really easy to hate on someone becuase they're rude, annoying, inconsiderate, excessively clingly maybe, whatever the issue is. but what you must remember is that no matter how unenjoyable their company may be, they are still people just like you and me. and no person ever wants others to hate them. sometimes it may seem like they do, becuase in your eyes, theres no other logical explanation for their actions. but in reality, everyone just wants to be accepted and loved. whatever is triggering the unwanted behavior in "riley" is not the desire to be unliked. in her mind, she probably thinks that by acting the way she does, she will be able to get closer to you, perhaps, or even save you from something. she's probably had a really rough past and has a lot of anger bottled up inside her.

now what i think you need to do is this; have a one on one chat with her- you really need to get to the root of the problem! invite her over, maybe, tell her to meet you at a park or something, or maybe pull her aside at school sometime. start by telling her how you truly care about her, and that her well being is important to you and you only want whatever may be best for her. GENTLY explain to her some of the things she has done has greatly hurt you, and probably others too. (i wouldnt be surprised if this comes as a real shock to her!) try to make her understand that you want to help her and you just want her to know that you are always there to talk about anything on troubling her, and you're always willing to lend her some support in any area of her life. try to get her to open up a little more.. whats life like at home? how do her parents treat her? who does she live with? who were her friends growing up? It sounds like she already probably trusts you quite a bit.. i'd be willing to bet that once she starts opening up, you'll find a lot of hardship in her life. maybe you can help her get help. maybe she needs counseling, or even like psychiatric help.

i mean, this is just a hunch, she may be completely fine but just lacks social skills for some reason. which, if this is the case, you could still help her by talking to her about the unspoken etiquette, like personal space, respect, all that. as for the racism issue, it could very well be that she has so much trouble in her life and is just looking for someone to blame issues on. maybe shes had bad personal experiences with people of certain races that cause her to be hateful towards them, or maybe she was raised with racist family members or simply never taught that its important to love all people. but the only way you'll know is the find out for yourself. just remember to continue to treat her tenderly, and with respect. it may take some time before she completely opens up. again, i just want to really commend you for taking this initiative in helping a girl like this. she obviously needs someone tender and loving to get her over this hump, and you are clearly overflowing with love. best of luck to you, be sure to let us know if you make any progress with her!