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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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How can I make him stop? - March 28th 2010, 11:21 AM

When I first made friends with my flat mate, I realised he was a touchy guy as in he likes to give hugs, cuddles etc. but I'm not that type of person unless it's with someone I'm comfortable being like that with and I'm not with him. I told him that and he backed off which was fine with me. Two months ago, we moved in together and he has started to it again and he is getting a lot worse. It's gotten to the point where I can't even sit on the sofa to watch tv or just sit in my room on the bed without him coming over and cuddling me or pushing me back onto the bed and lying on me or something and I don't want it. He sometimes play fights with me as well and I don't want to fight back because as I said, I'm not comfortable enough to do these things with him but he refuses to stop till I do and when I do, he just carries on and it hurts me. He also recently held me down and gave me a love bite, something that I really did not want and tried my hardest to fight him off but he did anyway, he thinks it's funny that he did it but I'm really shocked and upset that he has took it that far and it's worrying me that he'll take it further and I won't be able to stop him.

The whole thing is starting to really get to me. At first, it was annoying but the worse it gets, the more it upsets me to the point where I'm trying to avoid being in the flat with him so I don't have to deal with it. I've tried telling him to stop and to get off me but he doesn't listen, no literally means nothing to him and he just thinks it's really funny and fails to see how much it's upsetting me and if he does he apologizes but will just do it again later. It doesn't help that I'm just not as strong as he is to push him off and stop him and whenever I try, he fights back. I don't know what to do and it's getting to the point where as I've said, I'm avoiding being in the flat with him and I'm starting to think that maybe I should just move back home to get away from it which is something I'd prefer not to do. I just need him to understand how uncomfortable and upset he is making me and I'm running out of ideas.
   
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Re: How can I make him stop? - March 28th 2010, 09:42 PM

Try talking to him again, but it may be he likes you and is taking advantage or just losing his self-control. If things get worse, I say it is time to get out and just leave him be. But try and have a serious talk with him and let him know that it isn't fun or comfortable for you to experience.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.

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Re: How can I make him stop? - March 31st 2010, 05:45 PM

Sometimes, people need a HUGE wake-up call, in order to realize just how upsetting their behaviors are. I can tell you're frustrated and reaching the end of your rope, so SHOW him that frustration and desperation. The next time he starts touching you, YELL. If you can't fight back physically, fight back emotionally and verbally. It may seem childish/rude, and not the best way to resolve a conflict, but that may honestly be the only way to get your point across to him.

If he doesn't respond to that, I would seriously consider moving out. =( It's not ideal, but what else can you do? You can't get a restraining order on someone that you chose to live with.





   
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