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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Izzywaoops Offline
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Unhappy My life is at shreds - April 4th 2010, 10:35 PM

so i don't know why this is happening to me, but i'm hoping you guys can tell me why.

My mother is a breast cancer survivor. It's great and all but the after effects of the chemotherapy is menopause at her age. She's been extremely difficult to handle and talk to. She's always yelling at me and when i show signs of emotion (i.e. crying) she goes "OKAY WHAT?! WHY ARE YOU CRYING!?" and if I say never mind she gets really mad and prys about it. and then when she gives her advice it just doesn't help at all. I can never really talk to her.

I have a job under my uncle at his local restaurant. Lately he's said that my co-worker (ever since my first co-worker quit to go back to school) is complaining about me. The problem is I just don't know what i'm doing wrong. My new co-worker is extremely bi-polar. He use to be nice but now he's always yelling at me for something! the funny thing is sometimes he does that same thing and I NEVER complain. i'm just not the complaining type. The point is i'm afraid my uncle will fire me or something. And when these things happen when i'm afraid of something (and not just of being fired, of just being "talked to", I get sick to my stomach of guilt and fear.) I don't know what to do about it.

My oldest sister had a child at 19. She isn't married "yet" to her boyfriend. She is working two jobs while her boyfriend works one and doesn't work that often. She is attending school as well as he. The problem is I just have so many issues about it. For one I wish he would get up and help her! And she hangs out with some shady people, and I don't think it's good for the baby. The baby is two now and is incredibly whinny. My sister also thinks she is a supreme and reigning force at my household. She doesn't even live here anymore, but when she comes over she acts like she is just sooooooo smart. She goes to community college and plans on getting an associates degree in early child hood development. She argues about everything and twists to subject in question to make her right. She also wastes her money on extravagant things for her child. Me and my family all agree that she uses us like a stepping stool for what she wants. And she just expects it too. I don't have the heart to tell her though.

My older sister (middle of us three) is my mom's absolute favorite. My mom loves her to death because she went to college. I'm still in high school: so i haven't had the chance to even prove myself yet! I try and try but my mom just puts me down and puts my sister on a pedestal. The times my sister is home it doesn't matter what she did, whether she shoved me around or something, my mom always takes her side and tells me to shut up. What have I done wrong?

At school all my friends have been avoiding me and that's okay to me, because some of them i'm trying to detach myself from. But some of these friends act like i'm invisible. and sometimes that's exactly how I feel: invisible. I also don't know what I did to deserve this or the whole work situation. I also like this boy, who I think is amazing because he is kind and can see me. But I know for a fact he doesn't like me. The thing is: no one does. and the only people who DOOO like me are people who are extremely creepy and I would never date. I always try to lower my standards to what I believe I can reach, but time and time again i'm WRONG!

I'm not bad: i'm a straight A student in all pre-ap classes. I'm spending my summer volunteering at a hopsital. I've got a job and I "hang out" (if what I consider hanging out is even hanging out) with the right kind of people. I don't cuss and i've never kissed before.

All i'm asking for is a little love, and a little visibility! sometimes I wonder if i'm just asking too much.

What should I do?

~Lillie

Last edited by Izzywaoops; April 4th 2010 at 10:43 PM.
   
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Re: My life is at shreds - April 5th 2010, 04:49 PM

Firstly, your mum is trying to survive a cancer and you should be able to help her otherwise she wouldn't have pulled through, and you should realise going through that phrase does bring her hormones up. Don't blame her as you wouldn't want your mum to be worse, don't you?

Secondly, you should consider talking to your uncle about those issues as they'd about to become worse if nothing is done about it. Like me, when I was working at a place, I was constantly being nagged and moaning about me so eventually I talked with the manager and she sorted it out but after a while I decided to quit and focus on coursework. Maybe you can do that.. Or talk to those people who were moaning about you.

Thirdly, your mother may have a favourite but she shouldn't be stuck with one, try and leave it and get along with it while your mum's going through hard patch but when YOU feel it's right time to tell her how you feel about being hurt and all that.. But don't put it too much pressure on your mum. It's not about what you've done wrong, it's a matter of life, like me; my mum tells me to shut up and she sticks on my sister's side but I talked to her about it and she compares us now as there's only 2 kids living at home now.

Fourthly, friends go and pass by but family are stuck in the heart, try and focus on your grades and maybe try to find new activities around your area that you've never been and make new friends, start afresh.

That's what I did.

If you need me just PM me. <3
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Re: My life is at shreds - April 5th 2010, 07:22 PM

I think Jade has some good suggestions. The only other thing I'd really like to say is that the best thing you can do for most of these situations is talk to those people. As obvious as it may be to you, they may not see that what they are doing is bad or bothering you. A friendly reminder could help them change things.

As for your friends, no "friend" should leave another feeling alone and invisible. I would suggest making some new friends, talking to them, or both!

And the boy. You never really know how he feels unless he tells you. You know? No, I'm not saying to talk to him about it. Just stay friends with him and even ask him if he'd like to get together over the weekend or something. If that makes you uncomfortable, even ask other people to hang out with you guys. Sometimes all you need is a little time together.

That's about it, I hope I answered most of this. Let me know if you need anything else.



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Jacksonian Offline
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Re: My life is at shreds - April 7th 2010, 03:03 AM

It seems clear that the after effects hurt her more than it shows.

About your uncle : Talk to your uncle first. Talk to him and tell him you don't know what it is you are doing wrong. Then all three of you should talk together about this matter. If you aren't doing anything wrong then you will be fine. And also, try not to be afraid, don't let yourself feel guilty if you haven't done anything.

About your sister : The whole family agrees that she is using them as a stepping stool. Then now, all of you should tell her she should no longer do that and it isn't right. And tell her not to do that anymore,stand up to her, not in a violent way but just refuse to do or agree with anything wrong.

About your mom and your sister : Live your life. Be happy and work so that you yourself can enjoy the gifts of your labor. Leave them alone concerning this matter and let them go on. If your mother doesn't appreciate you and doesn't even try to notice then let her be and work for yourself and be happy for yourself and get closer to who shows their appreciation for you.

About being good : Good for you, and continue being a good person. For me I mean, continue hanging out with good people, don't have bad language and help those you can and be a good person. About school stuff : continue doing well and don't take too much that you cannot handle and remember that life is more than grades and ap classes.

And by the way asking for love is asking something good. You aren't asking for too much.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: My life is at shreds - April 16th 2010, 03:42 AM

Thanx you guys, I find half the time i'm depressed, and then happy, and totally bi-polar xD i've been volunteering after school (cause I have to) and that kinda cuts down on it. I've hung out with my friends more because of it and feel closer to them you guys are a big help! and my uncle replaced that guy with my sister, so we get some bonding time.
   
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