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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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stylish267 Offline
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I don't know what I can possibly do... - April 10th 2010, 06:33 PM

My family is a loving family. Any difficulties, we would try to solve them together. We help each other out and constantly cares for one another. But recently my mom have some problems with her left arm and hand (Not a heart attack we checked.) so when she's is washing clothes, or dishes she takes a longer time to do them. We don't blame her for that, we even help her wash the dishes. Clothing she has to do them because well my dad, bro and I are all guys.. We don't know how to properly care for each clothing item. Around the house all three of us will help her vacuum the house, clean all the rooms, etc.

Maybe, it's because of her arm problems or just the pressure of being stuck in the house doing chores all day but today she just had it. I came back home from tutor. Waited at the centre for half an hour waiting for my dad. He picked me up and said that why didnt i take the bus. Well, I still have to wait wht's the point? My dad tells me my mom should start driving this car because the time management today is just all over the place. We got back home and everyone was a bit pissed. There was a long silence while eating lunch and she finally starts venting.

Screaming about how we are so cold-blooded towards her, not helping her, she hates the fact that we moved 2 years ago, she hates the new house, she hates doing chores, hates being stuck in the house all day long, hates working in the basement, talking about how she gave up her hopes and dreams, that she's nothing and useless, have no friends (our hometown was in HK, all relatives are there.. We're in Canada for a loong time now).

She's just breaking down, and I'm getting pissed because my dad, bro and I are doing the best we can to minimize her work in the house. I know that she wants to go out and shop with some friends. I also know that she doesn't like doing chores at home. She keeps telling us that there's no time for her to complete these things when practically if she stops reading the newspaper for 2 hours and watching T.V. and taking afternoon naps, SHE CAN ACTUALLY FINISH ALL THESE THINGS! I feel extremely bad for my dad because he is the main person that provides the money to the family. So is my brother but he has to pay off the University expenses. My dad takes my mom to ALL OF HIS BUSINESS TRIPS (Hawaii, NY, HK, Malaysia, Singapore, Japan, etc). I don't understand her. Nothing can make her happy. She even says so herself.

Well what did my dad do the whole time my mom's crying and venting? He just keeps saying I'm sorry, it's my fault, etc. Yeah, I know he has to comfort her but SERIOUSLY? let her cry for godsakes! You didn't do ANYTHING WRONG! My mom wants sooo much. WHAT CAN MY DAD DO?! I can't do anything yet, I'm still too young.

My whole family is so pressured by everything, the family seems to be drifting apart from each other. I don't know what more we can do to please everyone. I hate seeing my family like this. I hate seeing my parents cry in front of me. WHAT CAN I DO?!

Help. I need desperate help.
   
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Re: I don't know what I can possibly do... - April 11th 2010, 10:54 AM

It sounds like your mother might be depressed or at least, feeling depressed at the moment. From what you've said, I assume your mother has been a housewife for many years now? And I'm also assuming that you're in your mid/late teens? Basically, your mother has devoted her life to looking after the house and raising you and your brother, but now you're almost grown up and she doesn't have anything to do. Your dad provides most of the money in the family, yes, but women do a lot of work that goes unrecognised. For someone who has a job, they earn money, earn pay rises, earn promotions, go on business trips (in your dad's case). He has a lot to show for all the work he has done over the years. But for a housewife, all they have is memories, children, and a nice home, and a lot of people don't show the same respect for people who have dedicated their lives to raising a family as they do for those who dedicate their lives to a job. Your mother is not being fair by yelling at the three of you, but I can understand why she is doing it.

And don't be annoyed at your dad for trying to comfort her. It means that he loves her very much. My boyfriend's parents scream and insult each other all the time, so you are very lucky to have parents who care about each other. It can be hard to understand why people are so nice to someone who is being so horrible, but it's easier to understand when you find someone who you care about that much.

As for what you can do, I would suggest sitting down with your family or even just your mother and talking about all of this. You say that you are a very caring family, so this is just another hardship that you need to overcome together. Get your mother to explain exactly what is bothering her. Try not to offer too many solutions straight away (I know it's confusing, but women often hate being given solutions when they're really upset). Just let her vent calmly and then explain why you are upset. Everyone can have a turn to explain what is bothering them at the moment. Then you can all go away and try to come up with some solutions to the problems that were raised. Then discuss the solutions and decide on them as a family. There seem to be a lot of small problems, so it might take some time to solve, but the important part is talking and supporting each other. For example, you say that your mum is unhappy about being in the house all day and not having any friends. You could offer to introduce her to some of your friends' mothers, so that she would have some more friends.

I hope it all works out for you. Please PM me if you need to vent to someone or if you need some more advice .



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