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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pine Offline
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Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 20th 2010, 03:24 AM

I don't even know where to begin on this. I feel like I'm about to throw up.

I had a friend. She's an online friend, and sad enough that's all I tend to have. But she was my best friend. I was able to talk to about everything. We had a best conversations. She made me laugh, no matter what. I can't even describe it. She was so close to me.

We had a group of friends. Let's call one girl G. G is now my girlfriend. G, at the time, loved the person I'm talking about. Let's call her H. And trust me, I don't take the term "love" lightly. Like, she was ready to kill herself because H didn't love her back..

G is a wonderful person. And G and H were the best of friends for a long time. Like, loved each other to bits. Over the summer, they had fights over H's feelings toward G. See, H had made believe she "loved" G in the same way G did to her. I admit, she did kind of lead her on, but I don't think H really meant to hurt her the way she did.

Me and G were probably H's best friends. With the drama with G, H turned to me. I remember her and me talking invisible on AIM and telling me how thankful she was for me, and how because we were able to talk freely and understand each other. I loved her too. She was a wonderful friend, wonderful person..

..or so I thought..

See, I liked G. Nothing much at the time, but H knew it and teased me about it. G knew it too. And G...acted on the little romantic feeling she had for me. Everyone wanted us to go out, they said it was good. So we did. Six months ago.

The MOMENT we told H, she said something like (I lost the chatlogs) "oh so you guys are gonna forget about me now right :'D no one will care about me"

I'm pretty sure exactly that.

H wanted us to go out. We both asked her before, and we made sure it was okay with her and she was comfortable with it. She said it would "make her the happiest she had been in a long time". I want to throw up when I remember that. I want to curl up in a ball and die. Because if I had never gotten together with G, I would probably still know H.

So months started going by slowly. G and H still had some fights, and in December me and G almost broke up because she really loved H. But Dec was the turning point for us too. G and H nearly hated each other at this point..

The thing is, as I said, I don't think H meant to hurt G. But H started.. acting if her feelings were nothing. She started gloating, talking about more of her other friends, and just not treating G well. Honestly, she started caring less about our feelings. Not just G.

Now, months really started going by. G and H talked a bit, and I'm still together with G. H started getting farther apart from everyone.. as I said, she starting becoming arrogant. And I hate to be the one to point fingers, and I don't say this lightly, but she changed. She started caring about us less, being proud, and just.. becoming more distant.

I still talked to H. It hurt to see her getting new friends, but I just ignored it. I tried to be happy and talk to her. And honestly, I was the only only one to really care about her at this point.

In these months, she started using her LiveJournal account. Our group of friends had LJs for something before. This is perfectly fine to me. Well, it was... she showed me things on her LJ, and she knew I watched her. We were all friends. She started gloating about her other friends too. She talked about them all the time, it hurt but.. Around two months ago, what did she do?

Make a new AIM account, block me and my other friends on MSN, set her LJ to friends only and delete me. And also left the

This may sound like something so stupid and immature on my part, but it hurt. It hurt so much I can't even describe. I have hurt before, trust me, I don't take the term lightly. It hurt so much I can't even begin to say. I was still talking to her. No warning, no goodbye, no way to contact her or nothing. I thought I meant something to her. And then, that same night, guess what I find out she said exactly?

someone else (8:13:28 PM): why'd you get new AIM
H (8:13:52 PM): because the other people on my contact list failed
H (8:14:13 PM): except for like Anna and Joie and you and other LJ people
asomeone else (8:14:51 PM): What happened :c
H (8:16:10 PM): I just don't get along with the [sitename] people, either they're too young and I'm sorry but I can't stand younger people for the most part, and some of the older ones we being downright bitches
someone else (8:16:14 PM): :c
someone else (8:16:17 PM): I am sorry :c
H (8:17:10 PM): lol they were all yelling at me/getting mad at me for getting a new SN
H (8:17:16 PM): I was like "/ignores"

There's more, but I don't feel too comfortable posting chat logs.. but she called G's crush on her a "sob story" and didn't seem to care.

I believe everything would have been fine if she threw our feelings out the window like they were nothing.

So eventually, one of my other friends talk to H. H unblocks me on MSN after some time because we were going to "draw" together. We start talking, and be happy. I was happy for awhile, until she still didn't even show the respect to talk to me on AIM, re-add me on her LJ, and just didn't seem to care about me. On our accounts on deviantART, she talks about her "new" friends and tells about how LJ is the best place in the universe. She also mentions in quizzes how she lost some other friends and "found who her real friends were."

We were okay for awhile.. but I was still hurting about her. G started talking to H again. They're getting along fine now. G loves me. But the thing is I can't stop HURTING because of H..

And then guess what I found out? H called G and a few other people whiny bitches on her LJ. She talked about us behind her back.

G tells me to get over it. That i'm doing it on purpose. My freaking god I am NOT. I am hurting SO MUCH over her. She was my BEST FRIEND. I can IM her on MSN right now and she'll probably act all happy. Am I really that bad? Is it so bad for missing someone who I used to call a best friend? My god it HURTS and won't stop hurting and I don't know what to do...

I'm starting to believe H puts on a mask. >> She was the type of person who everyone loves. She was the person who first gave me a chance on a site and recognized me. Everyone loves her. She just has..something to her. I feel like a bitch saying this, but she uses it to get friends. I feel like it. I feel used. I feel betrayed.

and it HURTS so much..

my mental health is not what it used to be either. Like G wants me to see a therapist. and I can't. and everyone seems to be okay with H now. Do I have a RIGHT to be so upset? I feel dead, completely dead inside. And this was before I lost her too. This is NOT helping my mental health. I've cried so much over her.

And I feel so terribly guilty. If I never got together with G, I doubt this would have happened. I feel terrible. I want her back. I want everything to be how it was. I miss you, H. I don't think anyone will every realize how much this HURTS..

And I no longer no what to do..

If you read all of this, thank you very much. And please reply if possible..


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 20th 2010, 04:03 AM

Having gone through something similar with two abusive best friends in the past, I feel I can relate. If I have time between school (I have uni the next three days), I'll see if I have a chance to come back and respond. Hang in there. <3
   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 21st 2010, 04:38 AM

I truly am sorry to hear about what happened to you. =( I've never gone through a situation quite like this before, so I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.

Friendships change. PEOPLE change. It sounds like H wasn't the person that you thought she was, or she simply became a different person during the time you knew one another. G and the others may have managed to adapt to these changes in H's personality, but not everyone can do that so easily.

H is not going to change... so YOU have to change. YOU have to take a step back, look at this situation from a more rational/logical point-of-view, and ask yourself why you're allowing yourself to become so upset by all of this. Yes, I know that emotions are difficult to overcome... but you CAN overcome them, and there ARE things you can do to overcome them more easily.

Two words: block her. Block her from LiveJournal, DeviantArt, AIM, MSN, Yahoo, Facebook, MySpace... WHATEVER. Get her out of your life. Don't read her updates, her posts, her blog entries... NOTHING. Ask G to avoid talking to you about H from this point forward, since it's obvious that H doesn't like you, and you therefore have no reason to be involved in H's life. In return, YOU need to avoid talking about H. This is an emotional and a mental issue which CAN be overcome. Don't tell yourself that you can't get over the hurt, because you CAN, if you are willing to give it a strong and consistent effort.

If your mental health continues to decline over the next month, then I would suggest you take G's advice to heart, and seek professional help. It's not healthy to continue brooding over this lost friendship. Depression, anxiety... those aren't things that you should have to deal with on your own. Family, friends, and loved ones can only do so much for you... at some point, you may need to see an expert, someone who can prescribe medication and/or come up with a form of therapy that will help you learn how to cope and gain closure regarding this problem.





   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 23rd 2010, 01:24 AM

If someone isn't acting as your friend and you know they act as if they don't want to be your friend, you leave them be and part ways. If you still want to give her a chance and develop the friendship, give it a go. But, but if someone treats you as if they are not a friend then they are not your friend, let them go and part ways.


I came here to help out, so if you wanna talk or just need someone to bounce ideas or issues off of or something else then send me a message and I will reply as soon as I can.
   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 24th 2010, 03:01 AM

Hey there,

Hang in there my friend, its going to be okay. I know how you feel with the hurting and the losing your best friend and omg I wish I never did this and that bullshit, but you can't change the past, and people change. Even if you did something to make a person turn bad, (which I really don't think that you did in your case), they still have a mind of their own and do whatever they want. If she is going to talk about you, she is not a real friend. And also about everyone else just not caring and letting it all go, I know what that feels like too. When I was in my group of friends we had this girl M, and she always did crappy things, but everyone let her off the hook because we just didn't really care about her that much. Like when somebody that you don't really care about does crap to you, you just let it roll off. H was special to you and thats why it hurts. You're not wrong.

I think the best thing to do is be close to people who appreciate you. There are a lot of good people out there, and I can tell that you're one of them. Nobody deserves to be treated like dirt, so don't take crap from her.

I wish you the best of luck, PM if you ever want to talk.
   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 24th 2010, 05:07 AM

Thank you guys, I really appreciate it. The thing is, we *talking* again, but I don't especially want to talk to her. She's just...or became the type of person, who doesn't care. It's really confusing, but she acts so.. loveable. She gives off a sense of innocence, and she just.. has started not to care about anything.


Ehhh, I found out she had a bad week, and she put one of the songs in her status that's from an artist we both love together.. that she introduced me too..


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 24th 2010, 04:02 PM

I suggest that you give her some space and see what happens, maybe her attitude will die down if you aren't there waiting on a leash for her. She knows that she can treat you like crap because you're always there and you deserve better than that.
   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 25th 2010, 04:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by inalittlewhile View Post
I suggest that you give her some space and see what happens, maybe her attitude will die down if you aren't there waiting on a leash for her. She knows that she can treat you like crap because you're always there and you deserve better than that.
The thing is, this started six months ago. :/ And she was never treating /me/ like crap, I just found out she was calling my friends (who are her friends too) like crap. It seems nothing is perfectly against me, but still..


you said if you could fly you'd never come back down.
--

just you and i defying gravity
they'll never bring us down.

(i want to defy those chances with you)
   
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Re: Lost her. It hurts. (long..) - April 25th 2010, 04:43 PM

Well then, you should make a decision. If it matters to you how she treats other people, then you should dump her. I would personally get rid of her because she is just causing unnecessary drama and hurt to your life. But if she isn't doing anything to you...

My best friend in the entire world is a complete bitch to about half of the population. But I love her because she's nice to me. Although she shouldn't be the way she is to other people, I can't complain because she is a great friend to me. People that I am friendly with she has no problem being nasty to if she has a problem with them, for whatever reason, so I just keep them separated because in the end, I know that she has my back no matter what, because that's just who she is.

And also, if she blocked you and even had the balls to stop talking to you for no reason, I wouldn't really constitute that as a good friend - but that's just my opinion. I think she just changed from who she was and she just knows that you will be there so she doesn't give you, or the people you are associated with, the respect that you deserve.


I think you just have to do some thinking and decide.
   
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