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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Incompris Offline
Isaiah 40:30-31
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What to say to her - April 24th 2010, 05:25 AM

Okay, so long story short, from the time when I was four until fourteen I was abused by my stepfather. Physically, emotionally, and neglected. My mother also emotionally abused and neglected me. It has been over two years since I moved out and in with my dad and twin brother, and my dad is now pushing for me to have a relationship with my parents. (I just grew up calling them my parents at school and all so it's just stuck) He doesn't want me to grow up hating them, he has sent my brother and me to visit them for Thanksgiving and Christmas. After getting over the initial fear of being in the same house as them again, I started getting out all my anger. My stepfather was surprisingly very understanding and patient with me, he listened if I started yelling or crying about something and then tried to calm me down. He and I now, we aren't very close, but I do enjoy spending time with him when I visit.

My mother, on the other hand, has been a whole different story. She doesn't talk to me, doesn't even acknowledge my presence. Several times I tried to talk to her, every time I said "Mum" she just sat there as if I had said nothing. If I try to start a conversation by saying something along the lines of "how are you" she also ignores me. I wouldn't be so upset by this if she also ignored my twin brother, but she doesn't! She even hugged him after we landed for Christmas and welcomed him. She completely ignored me. When I email her I get a response from my stepfather, since they share an account. When I call she will answer "Hello" but then hand the phone to my stepfather when I say "it's Chandler" or tell me she is busy and hang up. I don't understand why she is acting this way to me.

I will be visiting again when school ends next month and will spend a full month with them. Does anyone have any advice on what to say to her, or how to get her to talk to me? I don't care if she just tells me she hates me or whatever, I want her to at least recognise me as her son.


We were made to be courageous.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think itís more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Donít you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

   
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Re: What to say to her - April 24th 2010, 06:11 AM

Just walk up to her and tell her how you feel. Let it all out. And keep on doing this.


" One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. "

i wonder when i'll finally jsut start accepting myself, when i'll stop saying i wish i could be like that person.

i have facebook, and myspace. and you can ask for it. :P
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Re: What to say to her - April 24th 2010, 07:58 AM

You can't make someone talk if they don't want to. If she's dealing with guilt (for abusing/letting you be abused), embarrassment (for being caught), or anger (for no longer having custody over you), then she'll probably remain this stubborn, until she's willing to let go of those feelings and turn over a new leaf with you. Just keep talking, even if it feels like you're talking to a brick wall. Catch her when she's in the middle of something (ex. making dinner), and tell her what's on your mind, good or bad. If she walks out of the room, wait until the two of you are alone again, then resume your one-sided conversation as if she never left.






   
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Isaiah 40:30-31
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Re: What to say to her - April 25th 2010, 04:09 AM

Okay, thanks. I will try that.

I never thought she would still be upset about me leaving. I didn't think she would be upset at all, it seemed like that is what she wanted.


We were made to be courageous.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think itís more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Donít you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

   
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