TeenHelp
Support Forums Today's Posts

Get Advice Connect with TeenHelp Resources
HelpLINK Facebook     Twitter     Tumblr     Instagram    Hotlines    Safety Zone    Alternatives


You are not registered or have not logged in

Hello guest! (Not a guest? Log in above!)

As a guest on TeenHelp you are only able to use some of our site's features. By registering an account you will be able to enjoy unlimited access to our site, and will be able to:

  • Connect with thousands of teenagers worldwide by actively taking part in our Support Forums and Chat Room.
  • Find others with similar interests in our Social Groups.
  • Express yourself through our Blogs, Picture Albums and User Profiles.
  • And much much more!

Signing up is free, anonymous and will only take a few moments, so click here to register now!


Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 27th 2010, 10:57 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

I'm already going to warn you and say that this is going to be long. Even if no one response, I really need to vent anyway. Everything is building up and I am desperate for release.

For some background information so your not lost, my parents are divorced, have been for as long as I can remember. My dad moved to another state when I was 12 and was married multiple times. He fought to gain custody for me 3 times and attempted to also press charges against my mom for abuse, but it all fell through when I could no longer handle the stresses of court. Since... he keeps blaming me for everything.

I'm graduating very soon, and I had been asking my dad if he was going to come. Finally, I asked one of my friends(well, we were "on" I always go back and forth with my friendships), if she would talk to him for me. They talk online quite a bit, more than I ever talk to him and she did. She found out that he doesn't want to come, and why? Because I have hurt him. This is like a punishment to me. Later he sends me a message saying that he doesn't want to come because I have eliminated him from my life just because I don't live with him. He said that he wouldn't come and it wasn't worth having to deal with my mom. I can understand my mom part, I mean, the last they talked several months ago she told him she hopes he dies a slow and painful death. I'm 18, and I actually have to deal with this? I don't think this is something that will ever fade. The words that have been exchanged were deep and everlasting. Anyway, I feel so rejected my this. He is also hurt from a message I sent him a month ago. He had messaged me, telling me how I have hurt him, that I am a nightmare to be around and things like that. I responded, at last telling him everything I felt. I never told him before, and I was encouraged to do so and I did. He didn't take it well. He wouldn't speak to me for awhile, not that we ever really talk in the first place. This struggle between us has been going on for years, and now it's getting much worse. I keep telling him that I'm not eliminating him, that he's pulling himself away from me. I don't want to loose him! He says I keep siding with my mom, in which I don't. I have stood up for her before. She is my mom, despite the troubles I face with her. Yet at the same time, my mom claims that I must hate her for my crude comments, my nasty attitude, and how I always defend my dad in arguements. Each one of them, is furious with me for defending the other. All of this has absolutely crushed me.

I have been cutting for a long time now, and my mom thought I had stopped, but I never did. I honestly tried and even had cut back some, but the past week it kicked into high gear I guess you could say. The suicidal thoughts are starting to occur nearly everyday depending on the events. Trying to keep away from the bottle(pills), for I used to take them to give me a lift I suppose tiy could say and sometimes I don't stop with the actual intention of suicide, I was cutting horribly. My mom walked into my room at that moment and with a rush of panic, I shoved my stuff under the pillow that I had beside me, but it was too late. She picked it up and I couldn't snatch the towl I had. She saw how much blood was on it, knew I was doing it everyday again. It was obvious. She freaked out and started making me feel so guilty, and she was crying and everything. The same mom that usually treats me pretty horribly(I really don't want to talk about that part). She was threatening to take me to the hospital because of all of this getting out of hand and of course I was terrified of the thought. Instead of taking me, I have no privacy now. I'm not allowed to have my door closed.

Aside from parents my friends aren't helping with this situation. My best friend... I told her what happened with my mom and my dad this week. She's the only person I trust enough to vent to like this. She was furious with me and started throwing her own situation in my face and was like 'and I don't cut'. It stung so bad. Her own dad left her before she was born and didn't come back until she was 16, of course she refused to forgive him, but he ended up dying shortly after from alcoholism. She rubbed it in my face making me feel so pathetic. Here I was whinning about all of this stuff which can't even compare to her.

This was just within the past few days, not including the usual shit.

Any advice?


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Batman. Offline
Protector of Gotham
I can't get enough
*********
 
Batman.'s Avatar
 
Name: Julz
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario, Canada

Posts: 2,724
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: December 14th 2009

Re: Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 27th 2010, 11:31 PM

Well as far as your parents go, I guess try to ignore their arguments? Like, if they ask for your opinion, say "I don't want to get involved, I'm not picking sides". Thats what I do with my parents, unless its blatantly obvious one of them is right (i.e. one lying about a scenario and the other telling the truth). If its like, personal opinions against one another, I just walk away. If it gets ridiculous, I throw in some headphones to ignore it.

Don't know what to tell you about your dad not attending your graduation, considering my dad wasn't there for alot of things like that for me. He travels for work. But he did make it to my graduations because he happened to be off work those days, since they were on weekends. However, he wasn't there for my younger sister's grade 8 graduation. But I mean, if he's going to be like that because of something so trivial, thats HIS problem, HIS immaturity.

Maybe you should go to the hospital next time, even though the thought is scary. I mean, they'll try to help you there, and it may very well prove beneficial in the end. If you're having suicidal thoughts, I think you'd be better off in a safe place where they can help you get better.

Your friend should understand, if you have a mental health problem, your problems affect you differently. Like, some people who have family issues can deal with them, some can't. Also, if someone in your bloodline has a mental health problem, traumatic events can cause you to have problems, or even just mess around with your handle on things. Have you tried explaining this to her?

I don't know what else to say, Jessica. Sorry.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Re: Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 27th 2010, 11:42 PM

I ignore them as much as I can. They argue through me mostly since they refuse to speak to one another now which I am so happy for.

My dad has also missed out on a lot for various reasons, mostly because I hurt him so much. Now he basically wants nothing to do with me. He's told me that he's making a life for himself without me and I should just be happy for him. That was a very difficult thing for me to swallow, but somehow I have managed it. It doesn't help that he won't come. The feeling of being left absolutely kills me.

I used to think that going to the hospital would help, but not anymore. It's the last thing I want. For one I am terrified of going and it would also give my parents one more thing to make me feel like shit about.

I have tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't understand. It's like... she's handling everything really well. Why can't I be that strong? I'm such a pathetic, overly sensitive idiot. I think part of it is also because even though her dad wasn't around, she didn't live with it in her face everyday. I mean, I fought with mine, fought with step mothers who called me names and screamed at me, went home and dealt with my overbaring mother. I listened to it everyday, thought about it a lot. Not saying that it makes it that much harder, but idk. I just feel ugh about it.

There doesn't seem much that I can do about this stuff or anything else for that matter other than grin and bare it, but I can't keep doing that forever. Everyone keeps telling me that things get better, but they've only gotten worse.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Batman. Offline
Protector of Gotham
I can't get enough
*********
 
Batman.'s Avatar
 
Name: Julz
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario, Canada

Posts: 2,724
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: December 14th 2009

Re: Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 28th 2010, 12:10 AM

I wish I knew what to say. Hell, I wish I knew how to solve my problems and make things better, but I don't. I know I can be here to talk to you, pretty much any time, I'm just a message away. But nothing else I can really do. Sorry.
   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Re: Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 28th 2010, 02:36 AM

It's alright, don't we all wish we had all the answers?


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
Hugh Jackman ♥

TeenHelp Veteran
*************
 
PSY's Avatar
 
Name: Robin
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Location: Southern California

Posts: 10,025
Blog Entries: 35
Join Date: June 12th 2009

Re: Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 28th 2010, 03:47 AM

Hey there, Jessica.

You're 18. You're an adult now, just like your parents. You're not a child who has to tell mommy that daddy is going to be late in paying child support this month. They can send e-mails to one another from now on. If they don't want to, then I guess they'll just have to hire lawyers to do the talking from now on (or they simply won't talk to each other anymore). I mean, honestly, what do they even have to talk about? Spousal support? How is that any of your business? =/ If you do decide to keep playing the part of messenger girl... don't take sides. It's hard, I know, but simply give each parent the other parent's message, and ask for their response. Don't speculate, don't give your opinion... nothing. Just a delivery of the original message.

Regarding your father... ask yourself how important it is to have him at your graduation. If it's really, REALLY important that he be there... bury the hatchet. No more blaming him for your crappy life, no more attacking his way of handling the divorce. Yes, he's hurt you... but YOU'VE hurt him as well. If you were in his position, would you want to go out of your way to spend time around a daughter who apparently hates you, and a wife who wishes you would die a slow, painful death? Of course not. So, you need to let go of your anger, your cynicism, your pain, and your regret as best you can. Try to make amends with him. Don't expect him to make the first move, because I honestly doubt he will, not after all that's happened. You need to be the bigger, better person, and make the idea of coming to your graduation as appealing as possible for your father.

Some friends are good to talk to about these sorts of problems. Others are not. Some simply lack the empathy to understand what you're going through, even if they've gone through a similar situation themselves! I'm really sorry that your friend is one of those individuals that lacks empathy (or can't get past her own pain in order to help you).

Which leads me to my final point: you need to talk to someone. No, you don't need to be hospitalized for having suicidal thoughts and self-harming... but you can't keep all of this to yourself, either. Talking to people on TeenHelp is great, when no one else is available... but that's not enough. If your parents and friends aren't supportive, then you need to find someone who is. It could be a teacher, a school counselor, a trusted adult, or a psychological professional. It could be someone that you simply talk to, or someone that offers you a place to stay when you can't bear to go home and be around your mother, or it could be someone who helps to assess/diagnose/treat you for depression. Help comes in all forms, and it's all around you... you just need to be willing to reach out to the right people, and to be open-minded about what can be done for you.

I wish you the very best, and feel free to PM me anytime, about anything. My parents divorced several years ago, and I had to play the part of messenger girl myself. It wasn't fun to watch my father re-marry and start a new chapter in his life, only seeing me a few times each month. It wasn't fun to know that my mom was only fighting for custody, because she wanted the extra money that came from child support. But I got through it. I slowly learned how to adapt, and you can, too. Hang in there. <3





   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
BlueWolf Offline
A lost wolf
Regular TeenHelper
*****
 
BlueWolf's Avatar
 
Name: Jessica
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Location: Georgia, USA

Posts: 352
Blog Entries: 5
Join Date: January 14th 2010

Re: Problems with Family and Friends. Doesn't know what to do. - April 29th 2010, 01:09 AM

That is what I do, it's not about the message, it's about them casually bashing one another. I feel the need to stand up for the other whenever this occurs.

I don't blame my dad what so ever, nor did I ever mention a 'crappy life'. It's not easy, but I wouldn't say anything more than that. My anger is directed toward myself. I know I hurt him. I hurt both of my parents. It's all I've ever done. Great, now it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself. I don't want to cause pain and I do try to help. Helping has only made things worse though. It's hard for me to know this.

I don't blame my friend at all though. I hated her saying that she thinks I must just cut for attention though. that really stung. I know she has pain of her own and she just doesn't understand. Knowing this doesn't make it any easier though.

I didn't think the hospital was nessicary either, which is why I fought against it, but I have no one that I can talk to other than coming on here. I don't trust people even the slightest bit.


Self-harm free since 10.1.2013
"You have not failed if you learned something from it."
"Life's not about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain"
"Weak heart, Dying soul, Falling apart, Make me whole, These broken blues, Peirce your being, Hide the truth, You won't be seeing."
"Deeper, Deeper, Deeper inside me I live a life that seems to be a lost reality."
"Big Brother is watching."

   
Closed Thread

Bookmarks

Tags
family, friends, parents, problems, self harm, suicide

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




All material copyright 1998-2019, TeenHelp.
Terms | Legal | Privacy | Conduct | Complaints

Powered by vBulletin®.
Copyright ©2000-2019, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search engine optimization by vBSEO.
Theme developed in association with vBStyles.