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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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LiliRose Offline
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Is this normal? - April 29th 2010, 10:08 PM

I'm 17, and my parents split about 8 years ago. Naturally, I was upset, but I didn't find out the details until earlier this year. I won't go into it, but basically the marriage was pretty much screwed since before me, and my two younger brothers were born. The divorce was also pretty messy, which doesn't help matters.
Anyway, my brothers and I have been thrown into the middle of it all really. I've spent a lot of my time looking after my brother's, especially the younger one, both who have Asperger's Syndrome. My mother, who we live with most of the time, spends most of the money my dad is paying to her for us on alcohol and nights out with her friends. So we don't see much of the money.
I've been with my boyfriend for 19 months now, and he really is my rock. I don't know where i'd be without him. Anyway, recently, I've not been able to stop thinking about having a child ourselves and starting our own family. We have talked about children, but more as a future plan. We are both currently studying towards our A levels and both hoping to go onto university next year. I am on birth control and not planning to come off it any time soon. I know it wouldn't be a good idea to start trying to get pregnant now, but I just can't stop thinking about how much I want us to start our own family. I've even been getting upset recently whenever I think about it.
I've spoken to my boyfriend about how I've been feeling recently, and he suggested it could be because I've watched as my family fell apart, I just want to prove to myself a family can work.
Anyone think or know of any other reasons why I've been feeling so maternal lately?
Thanks for reading x
   
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Re: Is this normal? - April 30th 2010, 02:29 AM

Hello there,
Firstly if your mother is misappropriating child support funds and failing to provide adequate care, I suggest contacting CPS. I have Asperger's syndrome (it has become a lot milder since my childhood) so I know for a fact that your brothers need attention, not neglect, at this point and time in their lives.

Many teens girls have thoughts about having children at this point in their lives, it is a normal result of hormonal changes and also environmental factors can easily play a role. It is good to be thinking logically about your plans for creating them in the future rather than giving into these feelings and letting yourself conceive when you aren't ready to support a child. So don't worry, these feelings are normal.
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Re: Is this normal? - April 30th 2010, 04:26 AM

Hey! I think ur BF has a point maybe it is cuz your fam is falling apart and you want to have ur own "Perfect" family.... I think he is dead on... I think you should wait until u have a steady job and done university before u go off and have lil cuties! But you do what feels right for you!
   
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Re: Is this normal? - April 30th 2010, 08:46 PM

Hey there!

First off, it's called "child support" for a reason... it's supposed to be used for the CHILDREN! Contact CPS, or ask your father to contact his attorney/lawyer and schedule another hearing in family court. Your mother will probably have to provide proof that she has been spending the money on you and your brothers (ex. producing receipts for their medications, for clothing, for school supplies)... and when she can't do that, either the courts will keep an eye on her finances from now on, or the three of you will be able to live with your father (then he won't pay child support... it'll just go straight to you, since you'll be living with him).

Secondly... one of my close friends came from a broken home. She constantly talked about becoming a "career stay-at-home mom". At 14 years old. I knew, even back then, that something wasn't right. She wasn't sexually active, but... whenever I asked her if she was going to use condoms and other forms of birth control, she would change the subject. She moved away at 15 years old... and proceeded to have unprotected sex with her boyfriends. She became pregnant at 18 years old.

I think your boyfriend is absolutely correct. Sure, you may want kids someday, and you may love the idea of being a stay-at-home mom vs. being a professional in some other line of work... but please don't do what my friend did. Don't be so eager to start a family that you fail to properly prepare for the responsibilities of becoming a mom (ex. your husband having a decent job, living in a large enough residence to accommodate an active child). My friend lived on food stamps while she was growing up... and now, her child may have to live on food stamps as well, all because she was so eager to "right the wrongs" of her past. Loving your child simply isn't enough... so enjoy school, and take your time in planning out your future. =) You already seem to be doing that... but I just wanted to caution you again to WAIT.





   
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