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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
BDF Offline
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Something's changed - May 3rd 2010, 01:32 AM

Ive not got on well with my parents most of my life, particulalry last 7 years. For all sorts of reasons. Im not going to go into them much. But I can quote a few stupid cases...

I got fked about at school a lot aged 11 -13/14. Every time I got into a fight I'd come back home and get yelled at for it like it was my fault, that it was my fault I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, like I couldnt even que for fucking lunch without someone grabbing my face from behind, but ok. Teachers didnt help much, because there was always something wrong with me that I came from abroad, didnt speak english very well then, and just behaved differently because I came from abroad, so I was the source of the problem
So my options were:
1. lock myself in the toilet all day (fuk that)
2. sit and get kicked like trash (fuk that)
3. run all the time (fuk that)
4. tell a teacher (none really cared, so fuk that)
So I just endured the nosebleeds and shit long enough till I caught mad cow disease somewhere someday and threw one of those jerks down a staircase on top of the rest of them. Went down like dominos. Of course it was my fault, I dont deny it, but I dont regret it either. Despite what followed.

ok.. well thats not the point of this thread lol... im just flyin off at tangents in all directions recently.

Like I said I never got on with my parents well. There was almost always havoc in the house. My parents always expected something out of me that I still dont know exactly what...
I'd come back from school... 4 pm, and face another time table running untill 9 pm. Of course it didn't work. I just wanted at least some time to scratch my fuckin ass without asking first. So everythin always spiralled out like shit hitting the fan. My parents didnt even let me have my own room, even though there was an empty one all the time. They just wanted to keep watch on me all the time to make sure I was face down in the books. Ye well my stepdad's chinese and perhaps thats what he did... but I just cant. Never got any real support from him, other than him policing me. My mum just thought I was this fuckin little brat always bringing trouble from school because my trousers got ripped in two by some fuckhead during gymclass. SO ON SO ON...

There wasnt much my parents could do to me beyond a certain point. They took all my money and threw it in bank accounts which I still dont have access to, and im not banking on ever getting that money back. From that day, all money I got I just kept it in cash hidden... no place to hide... so Id even take it to school with me. No one ever mugged me at school. Those muts just lacked enough toys at home so thought they'd chew me up instead. I was completely avoiding my parents during the day... and started going out at night, and I still have that habbit, even if I dont do anything. Ive been doing it for several years now. Eventually I got my room... but that would get turned over every now and then for whatever reason and once my parents dug out somethings which really made me feel like I wanted to burn the whole place down. I didnt feel like it was my room. Still dont. I dont feel like this is my house either. There's nowhere where I feel at home.
I woudnt be able to sit in my room without for some reason someone barging for no apparent reason and then leaving without saying anything and leaving the door open. How could I ever invite friends, or even a girlfriend over to my house if that's what happens? not that I would, because theres nothin worth doing in my house anyway apart from sitting on my bed or at my desk, or staring out of the window. Only recently I got myself a new laptop. Also my mum loved commenting on who my friends are... and no doubt if they came over... I dont even want to think it. Its embarassing.


So something's changed now... I actually get the feeling my parents have started caring personally more, and it just leaves me completely confused as fuck and I dont know how to respond to them. So I feel like the asshole now when I slam my door or walk out like I dont give a shit what they say, because they are trying to be nice. Lots of things have happened in my life... some quite violent, maybe something finally shook them... but Im 19 now... Ive grown into what I am, its a bit late to realise they've ruined chances of living normally.

So sometimes I just sit and think how fucked up I am that I cant just sit down with them and face them like they were normal people. I still try, but there are just too many differences now. A person is what he is... ur born a certain way, and the rest of what you are depends on your environment and how you grew up. Im agressive as hell towards anything I sense even slightly hostile, its like an animal. Its like a reflex... hard to control, very hard.

I'd even like to get along with them... but just don't have that feeling that it will work. Im
knackered and fed up with everything around me. Just wanna grab whatever Ive got flog it on ebay and get a ticket to south america or something, just get the fk away from everything.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.



Last edited by BDF; May 3rd 2010 at 01:52 AM.
   
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Re: Something's changed - May 3rd 2010, 05:19 AM

I know it's hard to believe... but people CAN change. Your parents can change... and more importantly, you can change. I'm not saying it's going to be easy to form a healthier relationship with your parents... but given time, it just might happen. =) It took me two years to reconcile with my mom... but I did it! We still have our differences, and she annoys the HECK out of me sometimes... but we don't yell at each other anymore. We haven't in about a year's time.

Have you considered family therapy and/or individual cognitive behavioral therapy sessions? I honestly think that they would do wonders for you. The family therapy would benefit you, because you could meet in a neutral setting, with a therapist for a mediator, and talk about everything that's upset you and what you want to accomplish... and your parents can do the same. The individual cognitive behavioral therapy would benefit you, because it would help you manage your anger and almost involuntary urges to lash out. You would learn how to completely alter your way of thinking (cognitive), and how to better approach potentially hostile situations (behavioral).







Last edited by PSY; May 3rd 2010 at 05:51 AM.
   
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Re: Something's changed - May 3rd 2010, 11:06 AM

About couselling/familly therapy. Ive been through some things in the past. My mum always tried to prove to me there was something wrong with me, thats the way I see it. We'd see a counselor, she'd say something my mum didn't fancy, and then my mum would pull me out of there. Happened several times. To even get counselling is a nightmare where I live... to get familly therapy you'd have to go private and pay some fked up amount like over $1000 probably.

The GPs (familly doctors) in my area wont refer you to save your life probably. The system just doesnt work. I have some fungal infection on my foot ages ago (verucas)... and it got severe and deep and spread onto my toe nails even. It was foul. Went to see the GP, and he said its nothing. Had to near threaten him. It's been surgically removed now, with help of some other medicines. But to this day, I have a join pain in one of my toes of my left foot... exactly where I had the infection. Maybe he'd allow my foot to fall off then award me with crutches for it. D!ckhead.

Back to familly counseling... its about finding the trust again between me and my parents. We've completely destroyed each others trust in each other. Plus they still show through their old-selves. I get yelled at on Sunday morning for getting up after 9am.


"I don't care about politics"
Then politics doesn't care about you either. Truth. You've got to make your voice heard, if you want to be listened to. But that's too logical for some people, so let me go a step further. Not making your voice heard, leaves other people free to hijack it by speaking on your behalf, even if they don't actually give a shit about you. That's politics. So, make your voice heard. That's not a quote from anywhere. That's just me.


   
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