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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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FriendZoneMayor Offline
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17 years ago today... - May 6th 2010, 02:43 PM

so today marks the 17th aniversery of the day I was adopted (yeah, I really was only 10 weeks old) and I have really really mixed feelings. On one hand, I'm glad I'm here because I have great friends and an amazing girlfriend, but on the other, I HATE my family. Like every time I think about my past with my mom I wanna run away and go cry in a corner :'(... but since it was a closed adoption, I can't even know my birthparents names until I'm 18, and then only if THEY want to tell me. The closer I get to 18, the harder it gets. But Kat managed to cheer me up a bit. Here's a text convo we had:

Me: 17 years ago today, I was adopted...
Kat: and I'm glad, because 17yrs ago today, my best friend was adopted into my life :)
M: Aw Kat, you're such a sweetie
K: and it's totally true
M:Oh Riz(that's my nickname for her), I don't even know how to respond to that.
K: I lloooooooovvvvvvvvveeeeeeesssssss you :)
M: I lovers you too :)

So yeah, that's what's kept me from becoming totally depressed, but I still have really mixed feelings...


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Re: 17 years ago today... - May 6th 2010, 09:49 PM

Hi. I'm not sure where this is going, so just stick with me on this one. I'm just writing my reaction. Here is goes...

I am very glad your friend was able to cheer you up a bit. I understand how you feel and I also understand what is running through your head. Maybe not completely, but close. I was adopted when I was fairly young, but not as young as you were, and mine was a closed adoption as well. It is frustrating. I personally, chose not to see my biological mother. I can't see my dad anyways because he was abusive. But anyways, there are a lot of things to consider once you turn eighteen. I'm not sure where you stand at the moment, and it sounds like you might be slightly interested in trying to find your biological parents? I'm not sure what you mean by "mixed feelings", so correct me if I'm wrong.

Of course, as you previously stated, there is a chance they might not want to be contacted by you. That's one thing to consider, if you get your hopes up and they don't want to be seen by you. It happens all the time, unfortunately, but you have to look at in the parent's perspective. They haven't seen their child in a very long time, and all sorts of things can be going through their head. Guilt, embarrassment, shock, disappointment in themselves, and scared are all fairly common emotions that the biological parents might experience when their child wants to find them. It's just that they've been missing you for all their lives, and then all of a sudden you come back in. Other times, they might feel happy about it and will gladly meet you again. If you choose to try and get in contact them, just be aware of the risks of getting hurt. It's just a natural feeling to want to know where you came from (family).

Another thing is... I'm not sure how to put this. Well... when you have no means of contact with them for a long time, things can happen... and as you know, a lot can happen in 17 years. You really have no way of finding out if something went wrong. I'm not saying something has, I'm just saying try not to... get your hopes up too high. And just remember, the day you turn eighteen isn't the only day you can find things out. Take as much time as you need to figure things out, and then make your decision.

If any of that sounds offensive, I apologize. It's hard to put things like this into words. I meant no harm.

Take care.


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Re: 17 years ago today... - May 6th 2010, 09:56 PM

Reading this, I can see why you're upset.. I would be too. But like you said, you have an amazing girlfriend and great friends, and you should remember that you always have them in your life to cheer you up. They love you, obviously. Your birth parents put you up for adoption because they couldnt take care of you at the time, and now look: You have these wonderful people that love you all around you. It's something to be happy about


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