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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Sin Offline
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Name: Sinead
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Best friend - May 15th 2010, 08:18 PM

Ok i have this best friend for the last 11 years. We were so so different from each other, she was popular and outgoing and i wasnt. But somehow it worked for us. Last year she got pregnant and had a kid by this really horrible guy. She tried to make it work with him but he treated her so badly and she was terrified of him. I was after getting my own place and had a sapre room so i offered it to her and the baby. (my godson)

It worked for awhile, i was living with 2 people i loved more than anything. But then we started fighting over everything. I was warned this would happen..we were together all the time so we got on each others nerves. We talked about it and she said she would move back home 2 her mums for awhile. That was 3months ago and ive barely seen her since.

I found out from someone else that she is back with her ex and thats why i havnt seen her. Im really worried about her now but i dont no wat to say. She obviously doesnt want me to no, so do i bring it up?

Im scared i will get cut out of her life if she stays with him. (he hates me with a passion) And im scared i wont get to see my godchild..that would be too much. I cant not have him in my life.

I just dont no what to say to her


But so many people are looking to me
to be strong and to fight

but i'm just surviving
and I may be weak but I'm never defeated

and I'll keep believing
in clouds with that sweet silver lining



   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
emoticon Offline
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Re: Best friend - May 17th 2010, 06:10 AM

i would just try to re establish the connection with her. she may not be telling you because she doesnt want to face you and what you might have to say. so wait for her to bring it up.


" One day at a time, this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering. "

i wonder when i'll finally jsut start accepting myself, when i'll stop saying i wish i could be like that person.

i have facebook, and myspace. and you can ask for it. :P
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Best friend - May 17th 2010, 08:29 PM

Get back in touch with her. Give her a call (if she has a cell phone) and ask her how things have been. Mention that you miss seeing her and your godson, and that you'd like her to come by your place for lunch/dinner. When she comes to visit, ask her about her mom and if living with her has worked out. If she tells you she's currently living with her ex, then offer whatever support you can/want to, without being overly harsh (because like Emoticon said, that could just push her away... no one wants to be criticized, even when they know they're doing something stupid/dangerous). If your friend lies and says she's still at her mom's, then I think it's fairly clear she doesn't want you to know the truth.

One thing I do want to add is this: if you EVER suspect that the ex is abusing your friend or your godson, you need to call the police and/or Child Protective Services. Your friend may be angry with you, but that doesn't matter... the most important thing is making sure that the two of them are SAFE.





   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Best friend - May 18th 2010, 01:59 AM

I agree with Robin.

It's not quite fair to say she doesn't want you in her life, she doesn't want you to know about the fact she's back with her ex, etc. without knowing the situation. There have been times in my life where there have been extenuating circumstances that have disallowed me from being able to contact certain friends I really did want to stay in touch with. There have been other times when a bad situation has put me in a horrid mood (or rather, an extremely dark place) that have thus prevented me from being in contact with most people. So I would recommend taking the first step and being the one to contact her.

Like Robin said, invite her over for lunch or dinner and then see how things go from there. If she says that she can't for a specific date you've planned, bring up the possibility of choosing another date, and if she declines that, as well, then I would suggest telling her something along the lines of "well give me a call if you would like to, and we'll figure something out. " Puts the ball back in her court, and then all you can really do is play the waiting game. However, don't automatically assume the worst case scenario. If worst comes to worst, then you can deal with it then; cross that bridge when you come to it.

Also like Robin said, if you start fearing for your friends' safety or your godson's safety, then ring the police and/or CPS. Though it might seem a daunting/intimidating suggestion, it's almost imperative for their safety. But in the meantime, I would simply consider inviting her over to catch up, and see where things go from there.
   
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