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Nekkei Offline
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Exclamation No Trust w/ Mother, Abortion wether I want it or not. - May 21st 2010, 05:20 AM

There is no trust between my mother and I now. I cannot bring myself to because of past events.
Last summer, my older brother ( older by 15 years, half-brother by my dad) and his wife were expecting, and well, I had a pregnancy scare around the same time. But here's the thing; when I talked to my mother about it (btw, she claims to be a STRONG pro-life advocate) she said if I was pregnant, I would be getting an abortion-whether I wanted one or not (she said abortion would be the ONLY choice for me, and adoption definatly couldn't be considered because of the shame it'd bring to my family/ I'd be stealing attention from my brother and his wife).
Thankfully I wasn't pregnant, but I am still extremley angry and hurt about the way she handeled the incident.
I've tried talking to her about it, but she doesn't want to hear it.
My problem is: I wanted to her to be involved someday in my future children's lives, but now I'm not sure. Most of that feeling is wanting to get back at her because of what that put me through.
What am I to do? Should I feel vengful about this like I do now? Should I forget and move on? I don't know what to do anymore.
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Re: No Trust w/ Mother, Abortion wether I want it or not. - May 21st 2010, 05:41 AM

Hello, Nekkei. Welcome to TeenHelp! =D

I'm sorry to hear that your mom said you'd have to get an abortion, in order to avoid bringing shame to the family and taking attention away from your niece/nephew's birth. =( That's absolutely horrible, and I can understand why you're so upset with your mother over that; however, I'll bet your mother's words and actions were greatly influenced by FEAR at the time.

Sure, people can say they're pro-choice... but the moment an unexpected pregnancy occurs in their life (especially when it's a minor child), all of those thoughts go out the window. Your mother was probably concerned about what would happen to you, if you kept the baby. You'd have to drop out of school for a while, due to morning sickness and other side effects. You'd have to go through the pain of giving birth, then give up the child to a stranger. If you had kept the child, the burden of raising that child probably would have fallen (in part or full) on your mother's shoulders.

Perhaps it would be a good idea to talk with your mother about how you can avoid a situation like this again in the future. For example, instead of focusing on abortion vs. adoption, discuss birth control. Maybe your mother's concerns extend beyond pregnancy... maybe she's concerned about your having sex in general. It's different for your brother, because he's married and ready to start a family; however, I'm guessing you aren't, and the idea of having a granddaughter that lacks a father and financial stability could be very upsetting to your mother. Thus, she would be quick to jump on the idea of giving up the child, one way or the other. Since pregnancy and giving birth would be a huge burden on the two of you, abortion may have seemed like the only reasonable option at the time.

I wish you the very best of luck. Take care, and feel free to keep us updated on the situation!

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abortion, angry, coerced abortion, forced abotion, mother, pregnancy, pregnancy scare, pregnant, rage, trust, w or, wether

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