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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
laurara Offline
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Unhappy I really need some advice :( - May 22nd 2010, 04:50 AM

Seriously! what do i do?
So my dad just had a heart attack and?
Okay, so like the title says my dad just had a heart attack, he didn't go back to work. When he was in the hospital he had this whole new view on life on how he wants to change and god gave him another chance. Now 2 months being home he didn't go back to work and he is completely letting go. He stopped smoking for like a week and now he's smoking more than he has been ever. He found out he has diabetes after the heart attack too. He's totally self destructing. He is drinking like so much all day every day, and it seems like nothing makes him happy anymore. He just keeps saying he wants to die happy and we all dont love him, we are fake.

My mom had a stroke 3 years ago and she has anxiety, all he does is stress her out and doesn't seem to give a crap about anything. He's rude all the time, and im 19 years old almost 20 and I got my anxiety form my mom. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to stay home and help my mom but i can't stand watching him sit and kill himself. He has completely given up on life and I dont understand what is giong on with him? any ideas?

Also, my best friend a girl i've known since i was in 1st grade. The besty says i can move in with her and she has a room for me and everything. Her parents won't make me pay any rent or anything. Is it a good idea to move out? I mean i figure it can't be any worse tahn it is at home and i have to move out some day right? Am i making a good choice? I'm so sad lately i can't take it anymore watchign him do this, and i feel like i'm leaving my mom if i just up and move.

I know it sounds like running away is what im "doing" but what about my health. I mean i need to take care of myself too and nothing i say or do matters. He just tells me to get used to it. I dont know...

What do you guys think he's going through and what do you think i should do?
   
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musicslife Offline
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Re: I really need some advice :( - May 22nd 2010, 06:33 AM

Have you tried talking to him? I mean, you are almost 20. An adult. And you are old enough to know what's right and wrong. And I am just 14. So I don't whether talking is the best advice or not. If it's not, then just ignore it.

Talk to him. Tell him how is ruining not only his life but also everyone who's around him. Tell him about your mom. How he is stressing her out. And also about you. How even your health is being put on the line because of him. And also tell him about the moving part. That you'll have to move if this continues.
   
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Re: I really need some advice :( - May 22nd 2010, 09:07 AM

Yeah, i've talked to him. he's stubborn.. He just tells me to get used to it.. I dont know wht more to do. I know almost 20, and almost an adult but i feel like i need to help my mom. but i'm so.. on the edge. I have always felt like i haven't had a family because mine never acts like one. its nothing but backstabbing and drama..

lately i just dont see myself in the future.. I kinda just dont wanna be here anymore
   
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Re: need some help. - May 22nd 2010, 01:45 PM

Hey there.
You sound like you're in a really difficult situation and i cant understand how you are feeeling right now.

I think personally, that taking this room at your friends, might be a good idea. Even if its not permanent. Maybe for a few weeks or months, until you start to feel better in yourself. You need to take care of yoursrlf first, in order to be able to help others. I know you arer worried about your dad and that is completly uderstanble, but your what? Nineteen? You have still got you whole life ahead of you and no matter how dam hard it is to see your dad in this way, you still need to get out and do things you want to do because you want too. You still need to enjoy the things in life. You can try help your dad, im not saying just forget about him and leave him, but you are your own person too and need to look after yourself.

Maybe your dad is upset on the fact that suddenly her has got all of these problems. Like the heart attacks which im guessing means he's got some heart problems? (Im not sure), and now hes found out he is diabetic too. This is proably getting him down when before he was well, and now hes just suddenly not. And maybe its making him not seeing the point in life anymore. Maybe, if you felt you could, you could talk to him and just let him know how much you really do lvoe him and care for him and that you want to be here for him. Maybe you can suggest he go's to his doctor to see if he can get any thearpy just for a while to help him get out of this stage that he is in now.

Im really sorry things are hard right now, but i hope they start to get better.
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Re: I really need some advice :( - May 22nd 2010, 11:20 PM

I'm sorry to hear about your current situation. =(

If your father's not willing to listen, then I think you need to do what's in your best interests and get out. The way I see it, you have two options: live with your friend, or ask your mom to move out and live with you somewhere else. If you don't have the finances to make it on your own, or if your mom isn't willing to leave, then I'd say the first option is your best bet. It doesn't have to be permanent... you just need to get away from all this for a while, until you can become independent financially and not have to rely on a self-destructive father. If your mom is willing to leave the house, for her mental/emotional health, then perhaps the two of you could find work and move into a cheap apartment (or move in with other family members on your mom's side). I know that wouldn't be ideal, but at least you wouldn't have to worry about leaving your mother alone with your father.





   
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Re: I really need some advice :( - May 22nd 2010, 11:54 PM

Have you talked to your mom about moving out? It may give her the courage to do it for herself. I think moving in with your friend is a good idea. You're nineteen, you need to help yourself right now, especially if you're having anxiety issues. I don't think there's much you can do for your dad if he's not willing to help himself and he's hurting you. Maybe somewhere down the line when you're feeling stable you can talk with your mom and other family/friends of your dad and consider trying an intervention, if you thing alcohol is the biggest problem or one of the biggest problems. Regardless, you need to take care of yourself, so if the best thing for you is to move out, then I think you should.
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