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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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LucyLouWho Offline
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Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 11th 2009, 02:53 PM

So, Mathew and I are getting married this Saturday, but there's been a bit of a problem to arise. My father, who hasn't had a part in my life ever since I was born, wants to know whether or not he's invited. My family doesn't particularly like him because he got my mom drunk and then had sex with her, and then she found out she was pregnant with me.

His wife emailed me and asked me if they're invited. What do I say? I mean, how can I reply to that without hurting any feelings? I don't want to just say, "No, you're not invited.", you know? But I don't really want them to come simply because he hasn't been a part of my life and because my family would be uneasy around them.

What do I do?


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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 11th 2009, 05:02 PM

How about explaining to her politely that other family members would be uncomfortable and that it just isn't doable. but you do have to be cruel to be kind.


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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 11th 2009, 05:05 PM

This is one of those situations where I think you have got to be strict and firm. But explain your reasons. And maybe arrange to meet him, another day or he can come to the reception but this by no means things are fine again. Hope it works out out for you.


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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 11th 2009, 05:15 PM

Try to be honest if you can. You're going to have to put your foot down and just say no. Tell them why and I hope it all works out. :]


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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 11th 2009, 07:49 PM

If you want to let them down easy, you could simply tell them that you had to have a set number several weeks ago for the reception and such. Or that they just didn't give you enough notice period.
Or, you could be honest and politely say that it might make people uncomfortable for the simple fact that he hasn't been a part of your life, and it just isn't doable.
If you really want to be nice, you could offer to have another celebration at your father's house, like a small family dinner, and share pictures/video footage with them. Even though it's not the same as having him there, it will at least be a way to celebrate with you.
   
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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 11th 2009, 07:53 PM

Well, since we're going to have another in the summertime since it'll be warm and this one is kind of short notice, I'm thinking that I might tell them that this is just going to be really small and just our immediate families and that they can come the the one in the summer. But I don't know.


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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 12th 2009, 09:36 PM

Hi Chelsey,

I think you're idea is a good one. If you are planning on doing another one in the summer, then invite him to that one instead. That will give time for your other family to prepare themselves as well. I'm sure he'll understand if you just say you're inviting immediate family.

I hope this goes well for you. Congratulations!
Nat.


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Re: Very Urgent! The wedding is this Saturday. - February 12th 2009, 10:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ThereIsHope View Post
Well, since we're going to have another in the summertime since it'll be warm and this one is kind of short notice, I'm thinking that I might tell them that this is just going to be really small and just our immediate families and that they can come the the one in the summer. But I don't know.
That's a good idea. Sounds good to me. Being invited to the other wouldn't make them feel as bad as "no, you can't come to my wedding"
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