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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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LittleMiss Offline
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Why can't I please them? - May 30th 2010, 02:39 PM

I am the eldest of three children.
My mother is second gen Chinese and my father is Australian.
I'm a smart kid, I get good grades, I play two musical instruments and I play sport on an international level.
Yet, my parents still seem disappointed in me that I am not doing better.
I never get any praise, only lectures on how I am not working hard enough and need to do better.

I want to get into medicine, which is quite a feat where I live. There are about 100 places in the university that I will apply for.
I want to do this mostly for me. But a part of it is because I want my parents to be proud of me.

I know my parents can be proud. They're proud of my sisters.
My middle sister isn't all that hardworking, she's not that smart and she gets average grades. Every A she gets, she is rewarded with money or a present. She has a terrible temper and gets away with murder because of it.
My youngest sister is the baby of the family. Thus, everything she does makes my parents proud.

When I get As, my parents might glance at me and say, oh, that's nice.
My sisters get As, my parents can't shut up about how proud they are.
If I ask, the tell me that I should get As so why should they make a fuss?

I have had three years of private lessons for cello. These started after I won a state scholarship for music. I am now two levels from completing the graded curriculum. My teacher says I am talented, which is a real compliment because she is very strict and doesn't often praise her students.
My parents do not care.

I have been selected for an Australian Team, along with my second sister. We play a sport from which my dad and aunt have competed internationally dozens of times.
Any other family should be proud. But to my family, it is average.

What do I have to do to make my parents acknowledge me?
I am smart and talented but all they talk about is how much better I should be doing.
Sometimes, I listen in on their conversations and they talk abot all my short comings. Never any praise. Always disappointment.

Any other parents would be lucky to have me. Mine are disappointed.

Anyway, that's my rant for the day.


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Re: Why can't I please them? - May 30th 2010, 06:38 PM

wow,you sound really talented,i think your parents are only like that because they expect you to do well,there probly always proud of you,its just they dont see the point in saying it every time you achieve something,your parents probly feel that even if they did praise you youd still do just as well,maybe there doing it delibratly so youll work harder for them to praise you,i think in the end youll thank them,because your going to be more determined to get into medincine,but in the mean time try telling them that youd like a few words of encouragment every now and then and that you want them to be just as proud of you as they are your sisters,i think you and your sisters should all be treated equally,and that they are being a bit unfair making you feel as if your not as good as your sisters,and if they dont listen to you,or they dont tell you how proud they are,just ignore them,because if you work hard enough youll achieve your goal of geting into medicine,they'll have to be proud of you then .good luck hope everything goes ok
   
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Re: Why can't I please them? - June 1st 2010, 04:04 AM

That's a tough situation to be in. =( I would try talking to them again about how important it is to hear compliments along with criticism. It's not about boosting your ego... it's about encouraging you, letting you know you're loved and appreciated by your family and friends. It's not psychologically healthy to feel like you're being taken for granted.

Otherwise, all I can really suggest is that you stop focusing on what THEY want, and start focusing ENTIRELY on what YOU want. If you want to go to med school, then go for it! If you're mainly applying because your parents want you to, that's not good enough... YOU need to be the #1 reason for doing ANYTHING in life. Living your life based on parents' expectations never ends well for people... it leads to depression, dissatisfaction, resentment, etc. You'll end up hating all the things you've worked so hard for... and then, what will you have? So at the end of the day, you really need to think about what YOU want, not what THEY want.





   
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Re: Why can't I please them? - June 6th 2010, 08:14 PM

Wow I wish I was tanlented like you <===Sorry that isn't much help.
Just bring this whole thing up with them.
Also they probly praise your sibling so much, is casue they don't think they'll ever be good as you. Thier are probly very proud of you, maybe they don't know how to show it. Maybe they think that you allreayd know it.
   
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