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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy Does it sound like a mental illness? (my mom) - February 11th 2009, 10:55 PM

BPD/Bipolar/Anything?? I don't really know where to start but my mother has times where she is extremely happy. She will play music loudly and laugh extremely hard, dance in public, blast music while we're driving. She'll also hug me and use endearing names which I find a bit uncomfortable. Other times, she gets mad over the smallest things. When I was ten, my family was going to this thing where there are a bunch of shows and free stuff. I said I didn't want to go, asking why I couldn't just stay at home alone for a bit since I'd done so the previous year while they went to New York for a couple of days. We argued over this for a little bit, I was basically just saying that no, I did not want to go and that I was not going. Eventually she got extremely angry, looked me in the eyes and approached my slowly, grabbed me by my shoulders and started shaking me. She hit me and I was crying and she started mocking me for it. She then pushed me and I fell onto a two foot tall small cushion and then she went into my room and started taking everything on my walls and on my desk and pushing it onto the floor. She started yelling that my room was way too messy and that I should clean it up. After everything was on the floor, she yelled at me to clean it all up, and since I was scared, I did. She would pass my room occasionally and she was arguing with my dad. I cleaned everything up the best that I could, and she came into my room and said that it was not good enough and started yelling at me some more. I started arranging everything so that it was in perfect lines, but did nothing else, and she came into my room later and I don't remember anything else other than it was good enough. She kept trying to get my father to leave with my brother. My sister wasn't there. She wanted the two of them to leave, and I knew that I was going to be alone with her. I was terrified that she was going to kill me, and please do not be rude for just writing this makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and guilty. I sneaked out of my room and as she was telling them to leave I just cried and shaked my head 'no' towards my father. They didn't leave. This happens occasionally. She gets extremely angry, and although it is often my fault I believe, I'm sure it's not always. I can't write more since I have to go, any suggestions would be appreciated.
   
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Re: Does it sound like a mental illness? (my mom) - February 12th 2009, 04:23 AM

That's definitely not the picture of a healthy family relationship, but unfortunately it's impossible to properly diagnose a mental illness over the internet. I think your mother probably has some emotional problems that she deals with inappropriately and it's having devastating impacts on her relationship with you and the rest of your family. Perhaps as a result of guilt she then acts overbearingly nice to try and make up for it. However the hitting and emotional abuse she puts you through is still unacceptable. Have you ever talked to your dad about this? Tell him how you feel about it and ideally figure out a resolution together even including your mother when she's clam enough. If that's not possible then the best advice I can offer is stay out of her way and if the abuse gets to a dangerous level call the proper authorities. Hang in there.
   
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Re: Does it sound like a mental illness? (my mom) - February 13th 2009, 09:18 PM

well it's just so confusing because shes normal a lot of the time. i dont even know how often this happens or how often it has happened and tht sounds stupid. when i alk to her about it she denies it ever happened annd starts crying and gets angry and starts yelling IM SUCH AN AWFuL PERSON in a really angry tone
   
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Re: Does it sound like a mental illness? (my mom) - February 14th 2009, 03:16 AM

I know it's near impossible but don't let your mother get to you. The way she chooses to behave is not your doing, none of this is your fault. If she won't listen to you then do you know anyone else in your lives that she may listen to? A close family member would be the best example. If you're really worried about your mother's behavior, the only way to get her help is if she's willing to accept it herself. In the meantime, stay out of her way. You should do everything to ensure your own safety first, this includes calling help services when you're in need. Understand that what she is doing is wrong and it's never your fault that she's hurt you. One again are there any family members at all you can talk to about this?
   
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