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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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musicslife Offline
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Unhappy I'm loosing them - my friends - June 4th 2010, 03:49 PM

Through my life, I haven't been very lucky with the friendship thing. I mean, I have had friends but just friends. Not exactly best friends. But for the past two years, I have been extremely happy with my friend circle. I have not just one best friend but four. Of course, I am close to one more than the others. But I am very happy.

At least, I was. Now, I feel that they are drifting apart. I felt it most during our excursion. Unni, Athi and Sappu were talking something and I went over to them and they just shooed me away saying that they are talking about something that I don't know. I said, "Alright, you talk and I'll listen." But they shooed me away. Apparently, they didn't want me there.

and these days, when we have to partner, Unni always goes with Sappu, Athi with Sethu and I feel like the odd one out. And when I try to just get in the middle, they just don't let me saying that I'm always trying to come between them. They say it for fun but it hurts a lot and I have no idea why.

I feel like I'm the one who brought them close. First, I became best friends with Sethu and then with Athi and then Sappu and then Unni and now we are all best friends. At least, they are.

I feel that they are avoiding me. Don't they like me? They are always friendly and still the same as before. But I feel some small changes and it breaks my hurt. I don't wanna go back to that horrid friendless, lonely life of a bookworm. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   
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Re: I'm loosing them - my friends - June 5th 2010, 12:27 AM

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you. =( I know what it feels like to be the "third wheel" in a group of friends. All I can really suggest is that you talk to them about how you're feeling. It might be easier if you talk to each friend one-on-one, either in person or over the phone. If you think that would be too difficult or confrontational, you could try writing a letter or e-mail instead; however, emotions and motives can be misinterpreted when all you have are words (vs. words/facial expressions/body language/tone of voice), so I would use that as a last resort.

If they still don't seem to care... then it may be best to start looking for a new group of friends. That doesn't mean you have to cut off all contact with them, though. =) Just realize that they have a certain "group dynamic" during lunchtime, and that for whatever reason, you aren't really fitting in. It's not your fault... these things just happen sometimes, and it's especially common during high school. You could hang out with other people during lunch, then hang out with your old friends after school. It could be as a group of five, or one-on-one, or whatever feels best for you. =D






   
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Re: I'm loosing them - my friends - June 5th 2010, 01:18 AM

I know how that feels the same thing happened with my friends Zach, Gage, and Alex. I was friends with Zach first, then Gage and him became best friends, I was friends with Alex first then Gage and him became best friends.
I decided not to talk to Zach and Gage anymore.
Alex and I had a disagreement.

I know finding friendships is hard.
Sometimes you need to trust yourself and decide, do you really want these people as your friends? They may have been your trusted friends in the past but are they any longer?
People can change and maybe it's time to just let them go. You have to decide.

You can try talking to them if they're that kind of people and if the results aren't what you wanted try to move on.
   
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Re: I'm loosing them - my friends - June 5th 2010, 05:21 AM

I can't talk cuz I'm not sure whether I am right or not but their small acts hurt the most. And it took a lot time to gain such friends, I don't know how I'll survive without them. Hanging out with others isn't the best idea but I guess, I'll have to try the others. They are good friends but not like them.

I don't complain about them sharing secrets without but what hurt the most was that they shooed me away. I mean, they could have changed the subject. And later, Unni called me and said that they were talking about blah........blah. I mean, it is soo stupid. I just can't make myself that. I mean, if they were talking about such a stupid thing, why shoo me away?

I wish there was at least one person with whom I'd dare to be myself.
   
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Re: I'm loosing them - my friends - June 6th 2010, 02:02 AM

Maybe you are just overthinking things. It doesn't seem that you guys are fighting your just feeling left out is all. I dout your friends ard doing this on pur-pes. Trying just hanging out with just one of them at a time. & if they just really seem to start advoding you more, bring it up with them slowly.
   
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