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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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maketeanotwar Offline
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Name: Charlie
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Question I don't know how to help. - February 13th 2009, 09:36 AM

My friend lost her father at Christmas time to suicide, and I just found out that her mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer.

She isn't much for talking, and I am socially inept to say the least, but I want her to know that I'm here to help if she needs anything. I said I would be when she told me her father was dead, but... I think it was more like I felt I should say it because I didn't know what else to say.

Does anyone have any advice on what to offer or say? She really doesn't enjoy talking about feelings and such.
   
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Re: I don't know how to help. - February 13th 2009, 11:16 AM

Hi Charlie (: .
hrm, i'm sorry to hear about your friends mother & father.
my mom's bestfriend died from breastcancer 3 years ago.
it was really hard for my family.
i wouldn't want to talk about it to no one.
But, i just needed to realize this is reality,
not a madeup fairytale.
Your friend will open up to you if you show her your there.
and not someone that just wants the truth out of her.
well this is how i felt when my mom's friend died.
maybe just be there for your friend show her that your not
going anywhere's because you know how bad she is hurting.
just don't force her to talk about it because it will just make it worse.
let her come out on her own,
anyways,
i hope i helped (:
-Jessie <3

Ouu, if you want to talk about anything just Pm me anytime xD
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Chazzz Offline
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Re: I don't know how to help. - February 13th 2009, 04:32 PM

I'm sorry about this girls loss.

I completely understand where you're coming from. It can be awkward getting people to open up to you because you sort of feel a duty to say the right thing! Or, in a way it can be sort of embarrassing I suppose... You don't want to leave yourself open like that only to get rejected by them.

I personally would send an email or letter. That way I could articulate exactly what I want to say, sit down and take my time so I know I'm doing the best for my friend. Let them know that they can call, email, pop round anytime they need you.

Tell her you're always there, and you will always listen. No matter how small the problem may be, you're there.

Let her know she isn't alone, she must fear that with particular family situation.
   
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Re: I don't know how to help. - February 13th 2009, 07:43 PM

Hi Charlie,

I think an important thing to remember is that actions speak louder than words. You can be there for her in other ways than just talking.

Your friend may not want to talk about it right away, and that's fine. What she needs right now is a friend to be there for her and help her feel better. You could even say to her casually, 'Hey, I know you're not big on talking, but if you ever want to talk sometime about what's happened, I'll be around, okay?'. That should work. If you'd rather not talk and you know she doesn't want to either, then just be the friend. Ask her to hang out and spend time with her. She'll talk about it when she's ready.

I am very sorry for your friend's loss, but at the same time, she is very lucky to have you as a friend.
If you ever want to talk, please let me know.

Nat.


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maketeanotwar Offline
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Re: I don't know how to help. - February 16th 2009, 08:38 AM

Thank you everyone :-)

I haven't seen her much lately, as she's pretty much dived head first into uni and her job (probably to keep busy), which sucks. But I have her new address around somewhere- a letter would be nice, I think.

Everyone likes getting letters!

I'm not much for writing deep, meaningful things either- but I don't think that's what she needs, so hopefully it could help.
   
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