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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Annoyed, do i have the right? - July 6th 2010, 06:15 PM

Ok before i post this, i posted another thread about the same friend who's pregnant a few days ago. This one relates to her as well, it's probably gonna look like i'm having some sort of i dunno.. obsession but i'm not. She's annoyed me and i just want to know if i have the right to feel this way. I've never had a pregnant friend before so i feel kinda imtimidated and i don't know if i should or shouldn't say/do certain things.. anyway onto the story.

I'm over the jealousy thing now i think, after reading the responses from my other thread i did some thinking and it just sort of went away and i'm really happy for my friends now, and a little exited for them. But my friend, the past couple of times we've communicated she's just been off and a little bit rude towards me. Now i know that when you're pregnant, you're hormones are all over the place and sometimes people can get a little temperamental and stuff, but i have enough on my plate right now without my friends talking to me like that.

It just feels like she seems to think that because she's pregnant the world revolves around her and no one elses problems are important anymore. She called me an attention seeker because i was upset and didn't tell her why straight away (she didn't even ask me properly), we haven't really spoken for a while now because i don't want to speak to her if she's going to be rude. She can speak to me when she's going to be normal with me but untill then i can't deal with it. Pregnant or not it's not an excuse to treat people like crap. I'll be as supportive as the next person but if she's going to throw it back in my face by being off then i'm just going to keep away for the time being.

She left a status on facebook (yes.. i know this automatically makes the story stupid) saying how you really find out who your true friends are when you're pregnant and how the ones who you thought were close don't bother and the others who you're not so close to make the effort. I have a gut feeling, but i'm not sure that it was directed at least somewhat towards me. Whether it was or not, it just sounded so self absorbed, i wanted to scream at her "other people are going through stuff to you know". I know pregnancy is a big deal and it's exciting but you can't just forget about everyone else and their feelings. I don't want to offload all my issues onto her but i would like just a little understanding and maybe a little sympathy.

She has no idea what's going on in my life atm, i'm struggling with a lot of things (anger, feeling depressed a lot among other things) and she has the audacity to demand attention from everyone who knows her because shes pregnant? She's not the only woman in the world who's pregnant and you don't see me walking around demanding attention because i'm feeling a little sad.

She was completely fine with me before she was pregnant, but now it's like our friendship is breaking apart. She intimidates me now because i never know whether she's going to bite my head off or put me down or something.

Please, be honest with me here. Am i being unreasonable to want just a little respect from a friend who just happens to be pregnant? Or should i just ignore it and put up with her crap because she's pregnant and 'can't help it'?

I'm so confused and i feel like the bad guy in all this.
   
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Re: Annoyed, do i have the right? - July 7th 2010, 12:11 PM

I don't think you are the bad guy in this. But I don't think your friend is either. Being pregnant, her hormones are probably all over the place, she might have had bad morning sickness, she might just feel awful all the time. She might not actually realise that she has been so horrible to you. I doubt that she means to hurt you or be so self-absorbed. Since she isn't usually like this, I would say that the pregnancy has a lot to do with it, but maybe she even has some other things going on that you don't know about? It doesn't excuse her behaviour, but sometimes we have to let things slide for the sake of friendship.

If I were you, I would talk to her. Explain that you've been going through a lot right now and that even though you know she has to, you really need some support. Don't call her self-absorbed or anything like that because it won't help. Just point out that you need to be there for each other and that you're willing to be there for her, if she is willing to be there for you.

I hope it all works out .



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Re: Annoyed, do i have the right? - July 7th 2010, 04:45 PM

Thanks for the reply, it was helpful. It's just like i haven't even said anything, or done anything to make her be like this towards me. As i said i do understand about the hormones and stuff, but i just want her to realize that pregnancy does not automatically mean you're the centre of everyones world. I may have a calm word with her next time i see or speak to her, just to let her know that i am a little hurt by her actions. I really am trying to be understanding, i really don't want to feel like this. It's just hard when you yourself have a lot going on as well and the other person is just oblivious and thinks your attention seeking. Again, thanks for the response
   
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Re: Annoyed, do i have the right? - July 8th 2010, 07:05 PM

Well I don't really think she's really realize what she is doing.
The whole attention thing should fade away.
Just try to let her know that you do have alot going on for you at the moment & you really don't want to talk about thouhgs things with everbody or her at the moment.
She probly doesn't realize that she has been hurtful tords you, try not to take everthing so personal that she is going to be saying towrds you.
I'm sure you would want the same if you where in her shoes right?
When she does say somthing hurtful torwds you, just ignore it & move on.
Bring it up another time if you must but most likly I don't think it'll do anygood.
   
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